Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Hi Sexy Bitches!

Think my gorgeous girlfriend, "Project Runway"'s Laura Bennett, was born chi-chi? Think again, Sexies (more on that in a sec)!

Check out her For Sale page on the Bravo site listing her favorites: Rolling Stones, Led Zep, Eagles, and...Brooks and Dunn. I kid thee not. Which reminds me, briefly, of my own high-school days. I graduated from a Texas high school in '83 (I was born in '65); Laura B. was born 2 years earlier in Metairie, Louisiana, and moved to Houston as a kid, where I'm assuming she graduated in '81 or so. Reading "Stones, Zep, Eagles" reminded me completely of the "older chicks" I knew in high school who were into "rock, man." Not insinuating that Laura B. was a stoner, but... come on. No Honor Society girls or cheerleaders or rich girls in her grade were into Led Zeppelin or the Stones! And those of us just a year or two younger were discovering punk and new wave. The woman was/is a rock chick! (As for the "Brooks and Dunn"... Well, I have my George Jones; I'll let her have her '90s "kick-ass" Republican country duo. While still muttering, "Ick.")

It's a funny dividing line between musical tastes that occurred right around then: Punk and new wave had barely broken in Texas in the early '80s---no radio station played any of it, except for the occasional Cars or Blondie hit. There was ONE alternative radio show in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, appropriately titled "The Rock'n'Roll Alternative," on an album-rock station, which came on for, I think, one sole hour, maybe two, at midnight on Sundays. I had to pretend to be asleep from 10 to 12, then get up and crouch in the dark beside my stereo speaker, volume turned to minus one or something, to listen to it. That's where I first heard U2, the Ramones, Eurythmics... In the meantime, all of the old-school ROCK CHICKS were still listening to the past-their-primes Stones and Led Zep! (I'm surprised Laura B. didn't list ZZ Top as one of her faves...THAT, Sexies, would be downright embarrassing, though, so I'm glad she showed a little restraint.)

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Alright, re the "Sexies" thing: I saw the season finale of "The Simple Life" over the weekend, along with a couple of previous SL shows in re-runs. And am now hooked on calling people "Sexies" or "Sexy Bitches" or simply "Bitches" just in passing. Whatever.

That finale was, to me, a sign that Dada is retardedly alive and well in the 21st century. The look on Nicole's face when she saw the fake Paris. Nicole threatening to out the fake Paris, then instead making the fake Paris serve her drinks and toast, and then call a press conference to announce she was pregnant with Marc Anthony's child. The real Paris hearing from her publicist about the press conference and high-tailing it over to the 90-year-old couple's house where the current "Simple Life" episode was being filmed. The 90-year-old couple's faces when they saw the second Paris at their door. I don't care how made up this all was. It was one of the most fucking hilarious things I've ever seen in my life!

I'm especially a new fan of the poker-faced, newly gamin (as opposed to her former "gypsy ho") Nicole Richie, who delivers the most outrageous lines completely deadpan, whether she's teaching kids in a Christian family to yell curse-words in their front yard, or asking a straight-laced bake-shop for a cake shaped like a vagina ("it's a lesbian wedding"), or seeing the wife of whatever family off at the door with, "I'll take care of the kids. And your husband." Not to mention asking one parent, as she's about to embark on helping the kids with an art project: "So, should they pose for the paintings with their clothes on or off?"

Some reality shows, regardless of how obviously cheesy, try to nonetheless play it wholesome: "The Girls Next Door" (featuring Hefner's 3 live-in hos) and "Flavor of Love" (featuring girls competing for the unlikely prize of ...making it with Flava Flav) are examples of the most meaningless, mind-deadening stuff that STILL tries, on-camera, to present its subjects as "just your average folks," when it's obvious that, however cute or entertaining, everyone's just plain stupid...and ho-ish. What I like about "The Simple Life" is that Nicole especially doesn't make any effort at pretending to be "good people." Maybe she's great and sensitive in her own private life, but on camera, she's gleefully, anarchically amoral----which is very refreshing.

4 comments:

Rpeyton said...

I enjoy the simple life too. And I love Nicole delivery. Paris is so damn bland sometimes.....no wonder she is famous for just club hopping and other activities that u you don't have to talk for!!!
Well grunt and groan.

But I also Know these shows are written to some degree that why I call it ehr delivery of lines.

About Nicole weight loss: Are these skinny starlets sending a negative body image massage!!!!

Well if they are sending it.. We aint getting it!!!!!! 60% are over weight. 20% maybe more cant use cat scan and other medical devices because of weight!!!!!

P.S
I think Kendra on "Girls Next Door" is totally gay.

Beth Austin said...

My favorite Kendra-moment is when she mistook a mannequin on the lawn for a real guy and said, "Wow, he's hot!" Realizing her mistake after everyone laughed at her, she later kept repeating the joke to others at the party: "Look at that guy--he's really hot! Oh wait---it's a mannequin! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Rpeyton said...

My Fav is Kendra.

I liked it when they gave the oldest one's sister a make over.
All they did was make her look like them! With external implants lol

And I swear I saw Kendra flirting with one of the prospective playmates they were entertaining.

I also love how Kendra turned 20 the same year Hef turned 80!!!!

And One of the girl grandmothers visited and she and Hef looked more like a couple with him than any of them ever will.

Oh Lord perhaps discussing Lebanon would be better for us......or celebrity fit club 4!!!!

Beth Austin said...

My favorite Hef Ho is Holly. Despite her calling him, rather nauseatingly, "Baby Puffin" constantly, she's also frequently sarcastic and I liked it when she revealed that Hef thinks she's too smart---which at least showed that they could joke about his fetish for dumb blondes together!

I haven't seen any of the new season of Celeb Fit Club yet, but was a regular watcher of 2 and 3---who's the borderline nutcase (a la Jeff Conaway or Willie Aames) this time?