Saturday, August 05, 2006


Remember: They're not "dolls," they're "action figures." And this isn't a "diary," but a...

Welcome to my new blog. My name's Stephanie, I'm the creator of The Best of Everything: A Joan Crawford Encyclopedia website, and I'm a maniacal Joan Crawford fan. If that sounds like an introduction at an AA meeting, that's not so far from the truth--I spend an inordinate amount of time talking and thinking and writing about Joan Crawford...surely this blog won't help the addiction any, although its sole focus won't be Joan. I am, after all, a woman of diverse interests, i.e.: What's the deal with Lindsay Lohan? (I'm about to turn 41, so it feels bordering on pervy to think a 20-year-old's hot, but...I just love that demure young lady's face!) And, Isn't Laura Bennett on "Project Runway" hot? (There, see---my age range! my diversity!)

The picture to the left is of Joan Crawford in 1963, when she was around 58. When I recently flew to San Francisco to see Ann Blyth (Joan's co-star in "Mildred Pierce") do a Q&A at the Castro Theater after a "Mildred" showing, some of us Joan nuts were discussing how old Joan would have to be before we wouldn't want to sleep with her. (Well, let me be more accurate: A couple of us bi women were having this discussion, while the gay men we were with kept diplomatically silent.) My own personal cut-off point would be around '63/64---don't tell me that she does not look astoundingly good in this picture! (That gun-metal hair is just the excitingly borderline extreme icing on the cake.) Time to start a new category? GILF. As in "Grandmas I'd Like to..." Oh wait. For me, Joan at 58 is still in the "MILF" range. Some kid blogger* will have to anoint her a GILF. Not that Joan Crawford is anyone's GRANDMA, g-ddammit. As Lindsay would say.

I remain shocked, shocked I tell you, that my boss, also a classic movie fan, does not find Joan attractive; but then, his idea of a beautiful woman is...Winona Ryder. I told him that liking Ryder's looks is like thinking Oliver Twist is really dreamy. And I wonder why my job evaluations hover in the mediocre range...

*Speaking of "kids": I'm obviously getting old and (fire)crotchety, but some "teen people" have been getting on every one of my nerves lately. Freshest in my mind is my recent foray to the public swimming pool in my neighborhood last Sunday. Normally there are dozens of tweens and teens there splashing around, acting silly. (Even the gangsta-wannabes with their low-slung knee-length swimtrunks eventually get too busy with goofy cannonballs and water up their noses to do too much posturing.) In the five years that I've been going to this pool summers, it's always been a completely relaxed and nice vibe there. This past weekend, though, a particular trio of 16-year-old girls showed up... Wearing exactly the same style of bikinis, with their hair in exactly the same pony-tails, shrieking at the top of their lungs about who was dating who and who was a bitch and how they just last night were having some sort of grenadine cocktails from their parents' bar... At one point, one of the girls stood by the pool and started performing an extended series of cheerleader moves for her two "admiring" friends. (I put "admiring" in quotes 'cause I remember how high school was, at least for me---insecure little people smiling and nodding their approval at even the most idiotic of displays, as long as the person doing the displaying was part of the "in-crowd.")

I was surprised by how extremely irritated I was by these girls. Maybe because they triggered bad high-school memories, maybe just because they were overtly phony, never for a second dropping their poses---never once did they just JUMP into the water (as opposed to carefully lowering themselves into it to avoid getting their hair wet) and have a splash-fight or anything, and never once did I hear them say anything even remotely interesting or funny or bright or wicked. (Maybe if they'd SNUCK those drinks from the parents' bar(s)...But no, apparently the parents just served 'em up. Not wicked, just boringly rich and blase.) I realize that it's part of the "social contract" that one tries not to listen in to, much less judge, other people's public conversations, but in this case---since they were intentionally being so very loud---I couldn't help it. And was surprisingly depressed by their utter vapidity. Being around them kind of ruined my afternoon.

Yes, this coming from someone who just said she liked Lindsay Lohan!


Janet said...

Hi Stephanie, I love your Joan Crawford website and reading your blog was entertaining to say the least ;-) That picture of Joan is to die for and I agree with your MILF comments. Ah, she was still hot stuff even then. Keep up the good work!

John said...

Hey Stephanie, as usual, I was checking the Joansite and saw that you created a blog! Even though I am a gay male, I will have to agree with you. In some sort of a opposite universe, Joan would be a MILF, up until Baby Jane. My favorite period for her would have to be when she did Humoresque. Continue the great work, and good luck with the blog!

Kelsey said...

i love your joan crawford website. i think it is wonderful that you have started a blog.

Rpeyton said...

Your Crawford website is the best classic film star site period.

I love going through the pics and trying to identify the unknowns.

Now about those girls, maybe they need a good roll with an older woman to teach them the nicities of life. Did any of them look like Lohan?

Beth Austin said...

"Now about those girls, maybe they need a good roll with an older woman to teach them the nicities of life. Did any of them look like Lohan?"

Unfortunately, the only "niceties" I had any desire to teach those girls was something boring like...manners! Or, how to spend time alone READING or perhaps THINKING. Crazy stuff like that.

Seriously, have you ever known a very attractive person who was also incredibly dumb? From afar, you'd think the "dumb" wouldn't be a problem, but once you have to interact with them...The "dumb" really does overshadow the "cute" pretty quickly.

Rpeyton said...

Basic Manners and I mean Basic i.e. "please" "thank you" are in daqnger of disappearing.

Yes I have known quite a attractive people who are dumb. I am far from an intellectual but if are an adult and dont know there are 50 need some book time...of course I would still "do" them.

I recently bought a globe for my 10 yr old cousin and I may keep it for myself.

Did you know of these countries:

All three share borders with Afghanistan, a country we are occupying and I never heard of them!