Friday, January 26, 2007
Pseudo-Love For Sale
What's interesting about getting rid of everything (or, rather, 95% of stuff) in preparation for moving to NYC: Say 4 years ago---I didn't have anything then and then all of a sudden got a good-paying job and started stocking up on what I'd always wanted and what I thought would make me happy: I got a vintage red velvet sofa/chair, a glamorous red velvet lamp, Solingen silverware, Kashan rug, even a fancy shower-curtain with lion's-head rings... After being bereft for so long, I wanted EVERYTHING JUST how I wanted it. Which was nice---I was aesthetically pleased every time I turned around in my house! But after a year or so, the thrill wore off and I really didn't care or think about any of those things any more. (Though I AM taking the Solingen silverware with me to NYC.)
Also, after 15 years of living in rented places, I'd always been grateful for this house that I've lived in for the past 6 years: It's QUIET! (My main beef with earlier places.) It's PERFECT for me: Built in the 1930s, hardwood floors, a lot of character. And GOOD vibes. (Seriously, I lived in one place back in the early '90s, which was a big mess---I was personally miserable beyond rationality, and every cat I got during the couple of years I was there died. I later found out that decades ago the tenant of the house was the miserable mistress of a doctor who lived a few houses down...I never found out what happened to the duo, and I don't think there was any dramatic suicide or anything, but... It wasn't a happy place.)
This place that I've been at for the past 6 years has been peaceful. Not the first 6 months, but after that, I've been relatively content. Not happy, but "content." Which has been nice for me. So why leave? My job was paying fine, etc. But I was bored to death. NOTHING was happening in my life aside from my going to my pleasant job and coming home to my pleasant house. I'm sure I'll appreciate such things 20 years from now, but right now... Just a little bit of real-life (i.e., "not Internet") excitement and energy, please, before I retire!
Going through stuff to get rid of has felt good. I'm having a yard sale this Saturday and getting rid of the couch, the rug, and almost everything else. What I'm taking with me (or will have mailed to me later) are my Joan Crawford (and a few other) DVDs, my books, and my personal mementos (photos, letters, journals). The stuff that's meant something to me intellectually and emotionally.
I was nervous to the point of nauseousness when I first thought about making the move to NYC...But as the deadline grows nearer for actually moving and I'm actually getting things done (giving notice to my landlord, having the yard sale, buying the one-way plane ticket, etc.) the sickening sensation is transforming into a sickening sensation plus EXCITEMENT. As I told my brother---Once I'm there I'll be fine. It's just the GETTING THERE that's so hard!