Monday, May 28, 2007

"Family Jewels"

Watching both the Gene Simmons "Family Jewels" show and the "Osbournes" show on TV, you'd get the idea that each family was only mildly wacky ("Aren't we all?!").

A couple of months ago, when I hooked up with an old high-school friend who'd gone on to become a groupie and actually sleep with Gene Simmons, I was arguing with her: "No... He may SAY he sleeps with all those women, but he seems so nice on TV! And he seems like a good father! Maybe he's just making that stuff up." Well, no... My friend slept with the guy while he was allegedly so "happy with Shannon Tweed" and he wasn't/isn't "making that stuff up." Simmons has fucked around on his steady girlfriend of over 23 years, Shannon Tweed, from the beginning. That the family "functions" is due, probably, to Tweed's, and the kids', supernatural desire to overlook said fucking around.

In a similar vein: Tonight the "E!" channel had a 2-hour special on the Osbournes, Ozzy, et al. The drug/alcohol addiction of Ozzy was covered. As was son Jack's suicide attempt and daughter Kelly's numerous stints in rehab. Yet, the two kids were also on-camera saying, "My dad's great!" (This after saying how terrified they were growing up whenever their parents would fight.)

There's some sort of disconnect here. The TV programs present these families as "loving," but... there's nothing "loving" about (1) a dad who's gone all the time and who makes humiliating public statements about how many women he sleeps with, and (2) a fucked-up dad who's either stoned or drunk most of the time and has no idea when his own kids are in trouble.

The Simmons Family isn't cute. The Osbourne Family isn't cute.

Nice editing on A&E's and MTV's part, though.


David said...

So, what did your friend say about Gene's jewels?

Beth Austin said...

Not that he was particularly gargantuan or small or anything! She said that she didn't like him very much. I asked her, "Why? Was he mean to you or something?" No, he wasn't mean... In fact, it was he who told her "you belong in New York"! I couldn't quite get it out of her what she didn't like about him!

As a sidenote: My friend also "witnessed" the size of Tommy Lee at a party one time (as in, she was giving some guy head right next to a girl who was giving TL head)... Despite all of the hooplah, she says he wasn't/isn't that big!

Anonymous said...

She must be blind, everyone in the world has seen Tommy's penis on the XXX video.

And the picture of "David" in his Blogger profile above is scary as all hell. I cannot tell if he's pre-op or not?

David said...

Well 'anonymous', I take that as a compliment. Let's just say I have balls. As in the BALLS to show my big pre-op face.