It's too quiet around my apartment. As I mentioned, Grace died early Wednesday morning, and I kept her body with me until Thursday, when I took her to be cremated after work... Today, Friday, is the first time in 10 years that I've come home to a place without her. No one to say "hi" to, no one to feed IMMEDIATELY... I just lay down on my bed and cried and cried. And then made it worse on myself by remembering how sometimes when I'd be lying there, she liked to sneak up to the foot of the bed and then LEAP up on me with a triumphant "MEH," usually scaring me half to death!
I of course knew she wasn't here any more, but still I went from room to room, checking out all the spots where she might've been: behind the TV, on the couch, on the papers next to my computer, on the papers by the front door, on top of my sweater in the dressing room, on the rug in the kitchen, on a shelf high up in the pantry, curled up on my bed, curled up in my sock drawer if I'd left it open...
It was weird this morning, too. No loud morning "MIAO!" ("milk, please!") in my face as soon as the alarm went off. No one sitting outside the bathroom door listening to the water of my shower, then jumping in the tub afterwards to check out the water droplets left over, then going to sleep on the bathroom rug and looking at me reproachfully whenever I stepped over her and turned on the annoying, loud hair-dryer and she had to--HEAVY SIGH--MOVE.
And who the heck is going to help me fold laundry and make my bed now on laundry day??
I had no idea it was going to be this bad. I wasn't ready yet. I miss petting her and talking to her. I always told her she was my best friend, and I meant it. Where are you, honey?????????