Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Blogs and Family Members

Oh jeezus. Opened a can of worms with that last "Suicide: July 5" blog entry. I knew that my dad and brother visited this blog occasionally, though I thought it was more like every 5 or 6 months or something. Turns out the Dad read the suicide entry, called the Mom, who doesn't have a computer at home so she had to call the Brother, who was at work, and had him read the entry to her, upon which the Mom called me...

Folks, I just re-read what I wrote, and I did say at least twice that I'm NOT going to kill myself, but if I WERE going to, I had plenty of reasons why, and that I would wait 'til after the neat-o fireworks. My citing actual burial arrangements seemed to freak everyone out the most, but I seem to recall even an episode of "The Hills" last season where Lauren Conrad (hardly a dark and gloomy sort) was visiting home and found an old high-school diary where she was instructing her friends and family what she wanted to wear in her coffin and what songs to play at the funeral service. Think of my blog entry kind of like THAT. A little more serious, perhaps, because I do have some pretty serious job/monetary/isolation problems right now that don't seem to have solutions, but also quite in the spirit of high-school fantasizing about a dark subject.

As for those burial arrangements: I got a nice e-mail from my brother, which ended funnily: "oh yeah, here's my threat: you kill yourself and I'm gonna bury you in that piece-of-shit land in Briar Oaks. be warned." ("Briar Oaks" is the place outside of Azle where I lived miserably from age 12 to 18. If that threat isn't enough to keep me alive, I don't know what the hell will!) :) And thanks to Mom for offering to send me a month's rent while I'm looking for a job. (Dad, if you really want to help, you can pay for a psychiatrist for me once a week so I can get some help dealing with my coping issues rather than talking about them on a blog when they become too much to handle internally.)

This all leads to a larger issue: Damn, but my blog is going to be incredibly boring if I have to write entries while censoring myself in light of what my parents might say! (How the hell do 60-somethings like my dad even know about "blogs" anyway??) I don't really WANT to censor myself any more than I already do. But in the future, I will try to keep you guys in mind.

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