Saturday, May 09, 2009

My horoscope for Saturday, May 9

Hmmmmm... Now, fat chance that who I want to call me will call, but...interesting horoscope! (BTW: It's from Astrocenter.com, if anyone's interested in getting their own daily horoscopes sent to them. I like mine a lot; they're usually non-generic and a tiny bit more in-depth than some other daily 'scopes. Though my absolute favorite horoscope remains "Free Will Astrology" by Rob Brezsny (sp?) which I read here in the "Village Voice" and back when I lived in Austin in the "Chronicle." The Brezsny weekly horoscopes are always thoughtfully philosophical and put me in a good mood, even when they tell me I have "mental work" to do that week.)

Your horoscope for May 9, 2009
A friend from far away, probably a woman, could contact you over the phone, by email or even pay you a surprise-visit, STEPHANIE. She might bring great news that could suddenly turn your life in a new direction. This might involve a new intellectual study, or possibly a new circle of friends. At any rate, you'll certainly enjoy catching up with her and hearing what she has to say. Enjoy your day.

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So far, I have indeed enjoyed my day! Amazing how much you can get accomplished when you don't wake up depressed with a hang-over!

I have been in a funk since March---I knew by then that my job would be ending in May; my cat was dying; I couldn't get along with someone I liked a lot... And then both "the semi-relationship" and my beautiful Gracie ended at almost the same time, on April 15. And the 3 hours of travel to work was finally wearing me down completely after almost 6 months to the point where I couldn't stand it any more (not to mention the fact that my office-mate gets completely on my nerves: She's a brown-noser, she's not a good copy editor, I do 3 times the work that she does, etc. etc.). It's been bad the past 3 weeks.

Then around last Thursday or Friday, I finally was able to come up for air a little mentally. After next Friday, I won't have 12-hour days (which includes the travel time) any more. And this Jersey job I've had for 6 months was EXACTLY like the job I had back in Austin: extreme corporate environment, an out-of-the-way building in a suburb. I didn't move all the way up here for that! And the work bus: I'd have to make the same polite conversation with the same people every day, even if I didn't feel like talking. Same when I stood outside for a smoke. And, since I don't have a car, I was trapped on the work campus every day, eating the same over-priced cafeteria food, unable to run out to shop or do errands at lunch, unable to grab a street-vendor hot-dog or people-watch or smoke in peace without having to smile at people... And then there's the wasted money: It was wasting me @ $300 a month at that job: $5 a day for the company bus ($110 per month); $5 a day for getting TO and FROM that bus; $6 for the crappy cafeteria food...

So, anyhow, late this week, I finally started to feel a whole lot free-er, knowing the end of the past 6-month phase of my life is near...

I got about 9 hours of sleep last night, then woke up today and looked around my apartment: What a mess! Since April 15, I've been so down that I let things go completely. ALL of my dishes were piled up. ALL of my wearable clothes were in heaps on the floor. My toilet and tub and kitchen sink were all filthy. My trash was nearly overflowing, and I had 3 bags of recyclables just sitting around, since I hadn't bothered to take them downstairs for 3 weeks. A new camera that I'd bought online was still in its unopened box, where it had been sitting for the past 3 weeks. My fridge and cupboards were (both literally and metaphorically) bare.

Long story short: I got off my ass today, full of energy for the first time in forever, and started in on the mess. Let the first tub of dishes soak while getting the first load of laundry started. Then hand-wash/bleach 2 white shirts that had lost their lustre. While they're soaking, wash the first tub of dishes. When it's time to go to the basement to put in a new load of wash, take 2 sacks of trash out. Back upstairs, rinse the shirts and hang them up, then start soaking the bras, then put the first load of dishes away, then do the second and while waiting for them to dry, for god's sake CLEAN THE GREASE OFF OF THE STOVE-TOP!

OK, it goes on and on and on like that! :) At the end of the time period between 11:30am and 7pm, I'd: washed/dried/folded 4 loads of laundry, washed/dried/put away 4 loads of dishes, done 2 loads of hand-washing, cleaned the stove-top and counter-tops, swept the floors, taken 3 bags of recyclables and the big bag of trash out, scrubbed the toilet and the bathtub, thrown away old stuff from the fridge, gone grocery shopping for the first time in 3 weeks (and, while there, told a couple of check-out clerks who were saying "fuckin' this" and "fuckin' that" that I didn't feel like listening to them curse and talk about their personal lives while I was checking out; the guy apologized, the girl "punished" me by rolling her eyes and not looking at me or speaking the rest of the time; I was a bitch and went and told her manager), taken the damn camera out of its box/put in batteries/figured out how it worked, eaten a relatively healthy meal and taken a vitamin (I read somewhere weeks ago that multi-vitamins didn't do any good, so I stopped taking mine. Then my hair started to look dull and crappy -- maybe from the stress, maybe from no multi-vitamin...), AND done a couple of hours of copy-editing that I'd brought home with me, AND STILL (frivolously) caught up on a couple of episodes of "Daisy of Love" and some old MSNBC Drew Peterson interviews in between cleaning.

Not to mention psyching myself up for the possibility of having to get a roommate as of July 1, if I'm still on unemployment by then. (While the 3 roommates I had upon arriving in this area in 2007 were each nightmares in their own way, this time I'M in charge of choosing! My main criteria: Please be QUIET! And no drugs on the premises! My older landlord/landlady live downstairs and like me a lot --- so they'll back me up on anything if I have to tell an obnoxious, wigged-out person to leave. I was so horrifyingly powerless with those 3 early roomies, completely and depressingly at the mercy of their insanity...)

The only thing I didn't do that I had wanted to get done is go into Manhattan to get my hair cut. But I'll do that next Saturday. A symbolic fresh start after my Friday goodbye at work. Then my nails done on Monday (cheaper Mon-Wed at the little places here in Weehawken than in Manhattan). Then a new employment agency interview every day the coming week. And the week after. And the week after.

Whatever it takes to stay here. The upcoming "deadline" of May 15 for my job ending, with no other job in sight, made me really think hard about what I wanted to do, where I wanted to be. Going back to Texas was always an option. When I lived in San Fran for 2 years in the mid-90s, I hated it so and couldn't WAIT to get back to Austin. Now, though: I really do love NY. I love my Weehawken apartment. I like the Northeast, both weather-wise and attitude-wise, more than I like Texas (where it's too friggin' hot, and where idiots like Gov. Rick Perry and Sen. John Cornyn are indicative of the frat-boy mentality that rules there).

While scary and depressing, it's also been interesting and, now, a bit exhilarating mentally to be confronted with an actual CROSSROADS in my life. I've got literally nothing (except my health, thank you god), and I have no idea what the hell is going to happen to me.

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