Monday, June 29, 2009

My Favorite Housewives



Not having a real person in my life to fantasize about (see the below "4th o' July/no sex" post), I have somehow gotten fixated on the bad girl Danielle Staub from the "Real Housewives of New Jersey" show, whose run just ended with a wonderfully dramatic table-turning finale. (No, the tables weren't turned figuratively, but rather literally! It was great, tackily intense reality TV.)

Danielle, it turns out, has a past as a stripper, prostitute, Colombian druglord girlfriend, and "coke whore," as some tabloids unkindly put it, and had been arrested for kidnapping. The other housewives found this all out by digging up a book that had been published by Danielle's ex-husband, which contained, among the various sordid details, her mug shot from 20-odd years ago. Now, having seen on the show Danielle's exploits with phone sex, and bathroom sex with a 20-something muscle-head (who's now trying to hawk a sex tape), and having learned about her, count 'em, 19 past engagements, "The Book" just raised the stakes of interest that much more. It all sounded excitingly tawdry. And it was fascinating to see the other women's reactions: The two sisters and Dumb Teresa, the table-flipper, were a bit self-righteous: "I don't want my family near her! A kidnapper? I can't let her around my kids!" etc. While Jacqueline, married to the brother of the two sisters, insisted on remaining friends with Danielle despite the rift it was causing within her family, and stuck up for her during the finale, calling her own sister-in-law a liar.

Danielle had also been "accused" in the book of being bisexual -- watch out for those intense stares, Jacqueline! In fact, I think that's what started me thinking about Danielle... The Stare. The woman was often rather annoying and overly dramatic, but I loved that dead-serious, intense look of hers. (It was also funny to hear the 20-something good-looking lawyer son of one of the sisters say he was scared of her! I liked the thought that she really would, in all probability, eat him alive, and that he fully recognized the fact!)

So anyway, the show has been a sexually-charged hoot to watch. (After finding Danielle attractive, I started thinking about the Housewives from the other cities, and whom I paid most attention to when they came onscreen... From the OC show: Jeana. And from the NYC show: the Countess de Lesseps, of course! Neither of whom are trouble-makers, like Danielle, though they all share a certain dark-complexioned look. I like Jeana's looks and eyes and laid-back wry humor, and the Countess...her bright eyes. And those shoulders! that sexy, husky voice! I wouldn't be surprised if she had slept with a girl or two in her own past modeling days!)

So, thanks, Ladies, for keeping me occupied while I'm having nothing whatsoever going on in my own personal life! :) That's what TV's for, right?

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