Wednesday, July 01, 2009

The Evil Geniuses of Pathmark



Today was the big day when I deposited a couple of unemployment checks and finally had enough extra to "splurge" on a $99 window-unit air conditioner on sale at the local Pathmark supermarket.

Those suckers are heavy, and I have no car here, so my brilliant plan for getting it home was just to leave it in a shopping cart and wheel it on home. All was well, and I was wheeling along merrily...until I got to the edge of the market parking lot. SCREECH! My cart came to a grinding halt (almost tipping over in the process). Puzzled, I checked all the wheels. Everything was fine and in movable order. So I backed the cart up a little and gave it a mighty shove forward. SCREECH!

"GodDAMMIT!" I screeched back.

There were other carts sitting around out there, so I struggled to lift the damn window unit and shift it over to another cart. Then got started on my (now only semi) merry way again... SCREECH! I started cursing at the top of my lungs again, which is when a helpful guy sitting around came over and explained, "They've got some sort of magnetic strip in the parking lot. Once you pass a certain point, the carts stop moving." Huh? Nooooooo.

I had a brilliant idea: "What if I force the cart a few yards down, onto the sidewalk? Maybe the strips will stop working once you get past a certain point." So the guy and I started heaving and hauling the cart and air-conditioner to what we thought might be a safe spot. And the mofo cart STILL wouldn't move!

Those evil geniuses! They really came up with a great way to keep people from stealing their carts!

I never could figure out how exactly the strips worked, but... they sure did. So I had to wheel the air conditioner back inside the store. Get some checkout guys to watch it for me. Walk back home and get own my little two-wheeled cart. Walk back to the store. Maneuver the friggin' window unit back home.

It was HOTTTTTT today (85-ish) and by the time I finally made it home, my face was bright red, my makeup completely melted off, my hair plastered with sweat. By this time it was only 30 minutes until I had to be at work, but I couldn't go out looking like that! So I sat in front of my fan with an ice-tray, desperately trying to cool off. I finally had to say "fuck it" and get on the bus looking like a sweaty mess!

I live on the second floor, and that AC is still in my cart at the bottom of the stairs. I looked at it when I got home and decided not to even mess with it again today. (I was kind of hoping my strong landlord downstairs would have noticed it sitting there and carried it up for me by the time I got home. Nope. Can't wait to haul that thing up tomorrow and try to get it installed in the window!)

I must say: I felt kind of like a monkey in the jungle today, trying to figure out how to get ants out of an ant-heap, or coconuts out of a tree. All the stupid little things you have to try when you don't have simple conveniences (like a car, and a man!) to help you!

1 comment:

Beth Austin said...

Just a follow-up to my shopping cart debacle: As if to mock me, what should show up across the street from me the VERY NEXT DAY? A Pathmark shopping cart. How in the HELL did whatever scofflaw get it past the demonic strips of the store parking lot???

"My Life on the Z-List."