Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving '09

This year has been sparse, but I'm thankful for:

My mom's generosity.
The generosity of Joan Fans this past month.
My health (not mental health, surely, but physical!).
My quiet apartment with nice landlords.
The Cowboys and Longhorns games on today! (yearly traditions to watch; enjoyable even by myself)

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Speaking of "thanks" in general, and karma:

Years ago, in the maudlin doldrums, I remember thinking about Sylvia Plath and what her karmic punishment might have been for killing herself, for not being grateful for what she had. I came up with the perfect wicked scenario: She would be reincarnated as ME -- a poet, but not as talented as she had been; smart, but not as brilliant or as well-educated (state schools vs. Smith/Cambridge); and not as lucky in love (she bitched about Ted, but...I've been cheated on WITHOUT the benefit of someone brilliant and sexy to live with for 7 years!). The girl didn't recognize how lucky she actually was.

As for me today: Gee, back in Austin when I had a job and a car and friends and a family to be with on Thanksgiving, did I appreciate it? NO, not enough. Though I still don't think I made the wrong decision in moving to NYC. If I could only get situated job-wise here, I definitely don't mind not having a car; and seeing my family only once a year, at Christmas, isn't too bad, though I do wish I could see my nephews a lot more... As for friends: well, once you start working at a place regularly, and start having a regular income so you can spend money on going out, you start to make friends and start to go out! So...while I think I was partially ungrateful for my life in Austin, there's still something up here in NYC that my soul NEEDED to try for.

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