Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Christmas Magic

Your horoscope for December 9, 2009
Love is in the air for you, STEPHANIE. Think of yourself as a sprite skipping through the forest and offering your magic to all the creatures you encounter. You will be rewarded handsomely because you have so many things to offer. Spread your love far and wide. You will find yourself skipping from place to place and person to person, picking up smiles of pleasure from others. Put your worries aside for a while. There is every reason to be happy. Laughter is what keeps you young.

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Oh. My. God. I am probably the least sprite-like, least happiness-bringing, least love-spreading person in the world right now!! That horoscope for my Good Twin cracked me up! ;p

I have a fairly heavy emotional nature to begin with, and these past months of unemployment and constant worry have weighed down my spirit in relation to others into burdensome albatross-like proportions. Ugh.

And...this year I'm not even into Christmas! I have always been a real "Christmas person." For instance, in years past I would buy several boxes of Christmas cards and spend a whole evening picking out which was EXACTLY APPROPRIATE for the person I was sending it to. I'd spend weeks planning on EXACTLY THE RIGHT GIFT for people. I'd spend a whole evening decorating my house, complete with a mini-tree and door wreath and garlands strung over inside doorways. And, since living in the NYC area, I would wander around gaping at the pretty lights and the skating rinks and the interesting, fun goods at the outdoor booths of the local merchants set up in parks around the city. It was fairy-tale-ish for me.

This year, I'm not horribly depressed about Christmas (I could never be "horribly depressed" about Christmas; it's too warmly magical -- I say that unironically), it's just that I'm feeling very FLAT about Christmas. I don't have money to buy anyone anything, so that pleasure of planning and shopping is gone. And when I go home to Texas for a few days, it's with the knowledge that within a month I might have to move right back there (and also that I can't buy a nice outfit and get a great haircut to try to impress the folks who haven't seen me in a year). It's a bummer, man.

On the positive side, though, I did get a week-long work gig this week. At a mega-company that really knows how to deck their halls! 20-foot-tall sparkly wreaths, 15-foot-tall heaps of fake presents in the lobby. Again, I'm not being sarcastic -- the stuff really looks pretty! I really enjoy walking in and out of the building! And, since I get off at midnight each night, the company pays for a car to take me home. I feel quite glamorous! Whenever I walk out of the beautiful lobby to my awaiting coach each evening, I almost nod at the passing tourists, pretending that I'm a well-dressed financier who's just put in a hard 12-hour-day and made tons of money...now tired, but "good" tired...being driven home to my Upper East Side apartment. Fantasizing lifts this wannabe-sprite's spirits.

Oh, but last night the real me, the anti-sprite, kicked in: When I got in the car, the friendly driver gazed out through the windshield at all the bright lights of Times Square and said pleasantly to me, "It's Christmas." Mean Elf me replied, "What? Oh. It would be a better Christmas if I had a job." He didn't speak to me after that! So much for my "skipping through the forest and offering my magic to all the creatures I encounter"!

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