Monday, May 31, 2010

House of Hate

The House of Hate =

Ugly scowl when you click your spoonful of sour cream too loudly onto your plate.
Loud sighs and "What now?"'s when you ask for a paper clip or a tie for the garbage bag.
Offering to drive you to the bank (1.5 miles away) then: "Where are we? Don't you have a closer bank? I'm retired, I shouldn't have to do this."
No TV or eating after 10pm.
Upon moving in, after you've spent 7 hours carrying heavy boxes from the garage into the kitchen and unpacking them: "What did you do all day? You didn't look for bus-stops?"
After you've done 100 hours of freelance work at home for 3 weeks: "That [getting the freelance work] was just luck. When are you going to get a real job?"

Let's see... What else have I done wrong around my mom's house in the past month while she's let me live here out of charity?

Oh, I try not to watch TV too often, but when I do (volume turned to the lowest possible): Watching "Cops" really "says something about me." Watching any of the "Real Housewives" programs: "I can't stand that screeching. How can you listen to that? Do you like those kinds of women?" At a second past 10pm [time to turn off the TV]: "Is this show over?"

When I go to the store for a six-pack every 2 or so days: "You're REALLY going to buy beer again?"

When, once a week or so, I express a desire to buy some fast food: "You really like junk food, don't you? Why is that?"

House of Hate ends June 18, thank god. (For real: THANK YOU, GOD.)

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