I was looking up a couple of my old lovers online tonight.
Found my first ('89 - '91) on MySpace and Facebook, with moribund entries that contained little more than her current age (57) and her "single" status. Though on Facebook, she added a little bit of description of herself: "El Jefe" (the chief) and "black sheep."
The last time I saw her was in 2000, on the 4th of July; also the last time I slept with her. We ate hot-dogs and went swimming at her apartment pool. She had a paunch. We went to watch city fireworks. She bored the hell out of me all evening with boring talk that I can't remember now, other than that I remember to this day that I felt like I was about to scream with how stupid she was. Yet when she didn't call me for a week after, I was pissed. Called her a couple of days after the 4th and left her a long-winded message ("What do you WANT out of this relationship?"). No return call. My birthday was in mid-August; she called a few days late. I never returned her call. The end of that. The REAL end of that.
Her Facebook and MySpace entries that I looked at now made me sad for her. "El Jefe," indeed. She had a certain cache in the gay club world at the time I knew her ('89 - '91) because she was a dominatrix and had slept with many, many people (female and male, gay and straight), and had "dominated" many gay boys behind the scenes, but she was also kind of a joke, even at that time. The weaker people in that crowd might have considered her "The Chief," but the more intelligent people thought she was an idiot (as I did, but didn't want to admit at the time -- the "dominatrix stuff" was initially fascinating, but ultimately incredibly stupid).
The other former lover I looked up is now a filmmaker living in Hollywood, having won legitimate awards for her film shorts. Her Facebook page was chock-full of information about her current professional goings-on. When I knew her, in '92 or so, she was attending the local community college (but would, as I found out, later go on to be an assistant professor in film studies at UT); she lived in a one-room rooming-house apt off Guadalupe in Austin, with the bathroom down the hall... We dated for about 3 months; usually whenever I was drunk I'd call and go over. She was a tepid lover overall (not to be disgusting, but there was also a problem with her bodily fluids)... But sometimes late at night, it felt good to call someone and have somewhere to go...
It's funny. I don't in any way desire either of these women any more. But the first lover, whom I was seriously obsessed with for 11 years, I tonight felt sorry for because her Facebook entry had nothing at all to show. The second woman, whom I quickly got over at the time, I tonight found impressive because of her "Facebook credentials."