Friday, January 28, 2011

End of Days

All of this especial chaos in the Middle East the past couple of weeks, especially Egypt now, is freaking me out. What if the end of the world really IS nigh??? (I just heard that now the citizens of Jordan are also starting to protest.)

A couple of weeks ago, I had a dream where I was standing by some large glass doors looking outside. All of a sudden there were swarms of people rushing about, then both citizens and soldiers with machine guns started to swarm inside through the doors. The soldiers weren't chasing people; they were just running, too. Nobody was after me -- I just stood back and watched them run through -- but they scared me because they were bringing in waves of pure fear with them. I remember thinking, calmly, "Wow. This is it. It's ending now."

And then there's all that Mayan calendar stuff -- their 13th and final cycle ending on December 21, 2012. (I pay more attention now to the Mayans than, say, all the Millenium brouhaha that went on in 2000 because, according to the Mayans, the world began on MY BIRTHDAY -- so they MUST know what they're talking about!) :)

And this is even more minor, but it still weirded/weirds me out: Just before the election in 2008, I worked the night shift at a law firm doing proofing with two really religious black women. They loved Obama, but sometimes said some disturbing things, like "I hope no one kills him. Well, it won't matter if they do. The world will end before he leaves office anyway. That's right. It's prophesy. End of days." Whenever they'd start up with these conversation, I'd sneak a peak at them to see if they were kidding; nope, dead serious. Just matter-of-factly agreeing with each other that the world was gonna end before Obama left office. (Other than this odd talk, they were completely nice and normal.) I knew it was crazy-talk, but it still gave me a creepy feeling to listen to.

Not that I really think the "End of Days" are coming, but if they were... Just wondering what I would do, where I would go. Not to my brother's; he and his friends' families would probably all be hunkering down together. I'd be this random stray person hanging around. My mom's is a dilemma -- yeah, I suppose I'd rather die in her home with marauders at the door rather than in my apartment by myself with marauders at the door. She and I would have a couple of hours to look over photo albums, at least. Though her innate tension and background of hatred would make everything worse mentally for me. If I were by myself, I could run around to avoid marauders for a few days, at least. Before then, listen to my own goodbye-music, read my own goodbye-books and poems. Feel sorry for my impending plight, but also feel a sense of purity and allegiance to myself. But being around family and people who know me still feels good... I dunno what would win out -- oh, hell, yes I do. I'd go beg at the door of my mother and/or brother to let me in. (What did I just do last year at my own minor "apocalypse" when I ran out of money in New York? I didn't take in roommates; I didn't go to 20 employment agencies instead of 4 or 5; I just laid back and gave up trying, then went home with my tail between my legs, hoping for mercy. With disastrous emotional results.)

Dang. Let's hope for no more apocalypses, no having to rely on people who don't love you, but whom you have to go to out of desperation for charity. The latter's pretty close to being the worst thing in the world.

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