Sunday, November 13, 2011

Censor Yourself!

OK, late-night on the Internet after 6 or so beers, I myself often am incapable of mental and written self-censorship. That's another story. What I'm talking about right now is PHYSICAL self-censorship.

Part of it is just being fat. Like one woman at the UT mock jury last Thursday sitting next to me.

(1) She was so fat that she intruded on my personal space. Our jury chairs were close together, and her Self was touching me, which it shouldn't have been had she been a normal size.
(2) As the mock trial started, she started zipping and unzipping her bag, loudly rattling papers while the judge and lawyers were speaking. (Censor yourself!) I kept looking over at her, wondering what the hell she was so distractingly digging around for. Turned out, it was a Snickers candy bar, which she then proceeded to unwrap loudly and then scarf down loudly. Yes, we were all only in a "mock" trial situation, but can you please refrain from EATING (and so rattlingly loudly) during what is, despite its pseudo-ness, a quiet, serious enactment? (Censor yourself!)
(3) After the extremely annoying rattling candy-bar incident, I started studying this person more closely out of the corner of my eye: Her flats were olive green, her shirt turquoise, her eye-shadow lime green. That psychotic lack of color coordination is also not acceptable. (Censor yourself!)

In short: If you're big and fat, perhaps you should be self-conscious about that enough as it is... And maybe you especially shouldn't be so loud, scarfing down candy bars and rattling papers in a quiet public setting. And maybe you shouldn't wear lime-green eyeshadow in and of itself, much less try to match it up with turquoise and olive. (Censor yourself!)

I probably didn't look so hot at the mock trial myself, but at least I sat and watched quietly and politely in no-need-to-coordinate red-and-black, sans candy bars and rattling and rubbing up against others! Seriously. Censor your public self. Please.

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