Tuesday, May 22, 2012

"A hug is like...

...a strangle you haven't finished yet."

Oh my god, this entry on The Bloggess is the funniest thing ever! Here's an excerpt (blogger Jenny Lawson and her husband are in a thrift store when she spots an ominously decrepit stuffed monkey that she immediately falls in love with and names "Copernicus"):

I immediately picked the monkey up and turned to Victor with wide eyes, as I struggled to keep my voice down to a whisper so that the shop-girl wouldn’t realize how much I was interested.

me: Victor. Oh. Em. Gee.

Victor: Oh, holy shit. Put that thing down.

me: Are you fucking crazy? HE NEEDS US. Plus, he is made of awesome. And nightmares.

Copernicus: MISTER, CAN YOU SPARE A HUG?

Victor: Did you just make that monkey talk?

Copernicus: A HUG IS LIKE A STRANGLE YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED YET.

Victor: What is wrong with you?

me: OH MY GOD, HE’S FANTASTIC. Plus, he just used “strangle” as a noun. Who does that? Copernicus the homicidal monkey, that’s who.

Copernicus: YOUR FACE LOOKS DELICIOUS. I WILL CHEW ON IT WHILE YOU SLEEP.

me: See. He just gave you a compliment.

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That's just about the best dialogue that I've ever read! :) :) But please click on the link above to read the whole thing. And she has a NYTIMES best-seller at the moment, "Let's Pretend This Never Happened" (the TIMES link is how I just today discovered her)!

p.s. Below are some of the home-made Valentines featuring Copernicus that Lawson created for her daughter's first-grade class. (As she says, surely Hallmark will be calling soon...)




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