Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I just threw away $100!

Congrats, self! Sheesh.

This is the last week of my 20-hour-a-week schedule before full-time kicks in next week. I hadn't been working Mondays all month anyway, but this was the Memorial Day weekend for "regular" workers. And I got depressed, as I have been during summer holidays since I moved back to Austin 2 years ago, since not even my family members (who live within blocks) invited me to do anything. (God, I really hate my family sometimes. A Leo among a bunch of cold air signs.)

So Monday, the big holiday, I, after a brief shopping bout in the morning (see below entry), sat home and felt sorry for myself and drank nearly a 12-pack. I started early, around 3pm, and finished at midnight -- plenty o' time to wake up at the usual 8:20am on Tuesday morning. But did I feel like getting up then? Nope. I kept waking up sporadically at 4, 6, 7... Finally at 7:15, I just called my boss and said I wasn't feeling well. Which was true. I was depressed as hell about my personal life, but with depression alone -- minus the beer -- I certainly would have gotten up and gotten in to work. ESPECIALLY since all I've been doing for the past 2 weeks is just SITTING there browsing the Internet, since there's been absolutely NOTHING to do. And I mentioned that fact -- politely, but a big sad-sackly -- in the message to my boss, telling her that I'm sure the woman whose project I was working on wouldn't even miss me! And that is indeed true, but STILL. (The scariest part is, I almost intentionally didn't call in at all, so bummed out and "nothing-feeling" was I.)

DAMN, self! You've basically been on retainer -- paid to do nothing -- for the past 2 weeks, and this week, so WHAT is so hard about getting your ass in to work for 5 hours and getting over $100 after taxes just to SIT there and amuse yourself?? You're COMPLAINING because you don't feel "needed"? So, so stupid.

I guess all the cash flowing in over the past couple of months has made me take it for granted, even though I KNOW the gravy train is over at the end of August... I still can't get over how I JUST THREW AWAY $100!

And in smaller ways, I've also been tossing away cash left and right... For instance, recently ordering a cheap $15 bag from a private store on Amazon, and then, upon receipt, realizing that I hadn't paid close enough attention to the picture of the colors and finding the bag hideous upon arrival; upon going to the post office to return today, it cost $7.49 for postage! So I just wasted $7.50 on nothing! Same with a big bunch o' 8 T-shirts I ordered --- I got my usual size, but 3/4 of them turned out too small. And the company charges a 10% "restocking" fee, plus I'd pay my own postage again, plus they charged me $14 for postage to begin with... which basically means I paid $30 each for the 2 crappy T-shirts of the bunch that DID fit, since I wasn't going to bother returning with all the fees... UGH. STOOOOOPID. (I am trying to recoup some of the T-shirt losses by listing them on eBay, but STILL. Penney's, as it turned out last week, has exactly the at-home T-shirts that I need for only $5 each, but I was just so hyped up to buy stuff online...)

Even at the rate I'm spending foolishly, I'm STILL going to have enough after this job ends in August to pay rent through December, and to buy a new computer, and probably buy a new love-seat. (The latter two things I actually NEED.) So I haven't gone totally nuts. But STILL... ya DON'T THROW AWAY $100 just because nobody loves you!! ;p

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