Friday, May 18, 2012

Two Questions in One Day

The Universe has its little patterns and its way of showing you things...

Today at work, at the end of a week with nothing at all to do, I finally made contact with the other temp hired 'til the end of the summer. (He sits in the same large room with me, but we're all hidden behind cubicles.) I finally went over to say "hi" and what's going on and are you as just-sitting-there as I am... He does have work to do now, though he'll eventually be working with me on the project that I'm waiting on. We shared work impressions, and then it turns out he's, in his late 40s, just married 2 years ago: to a woman who OWNS AN APARTMENT on the UPPER EAST SIDE of NYC! "How did THAT happen?" I marvelled; they met online! But he owns a house here in Austin, and she chose to move here to be with him and rent out her E. 81st Street apartment... Dear lord, but that's my fantasy: Meet and fall in love with a woman online who OWNS a NYC apartment! :)

The question per this post's heading came after he told me he's a musician and artist (though he's obviously sitting here in a cubicle doing the same publishing work that I'm doing): "So, what do you do in Austin?" I was flummoxed. Well, not really. What I do in Austin: I'm still recuperating from New York City, and the loss of my life's dream of living there. I'm still recuperating from seriously loving someone and not being loved back. I'm still recuperating from realizing for the hundredth time that my mother doesn't, and never did, love me. That's all. And, oh yeah, I'm working on nothing other than the same Joan Crawford website I've been working on for 7 years!

Didn't SAY all that, of course, but... damn! I had nothing to tell the guy! I actually do NOTHING but go to work and come home, and be grateful for the money that I just earned, which has been so sporadic for the past 3 years!

The SECOND Question o' the Day came from my hairdresser (my second visit to her after switching hairdressers 8 weeks ago to a salon in my own 'hood): "So, what's new with you?" Um... Since I last visited her 8 weeks ago, there's NOTHING new whatsoever! Still doing temp work at the same place, still happy to have temp work through the end of the summer, still extremely grateful for the $25 an hour, still going to work and coming home and working on the Joan Crawford website...

I'm, of course, grateful for the momentary stability after all the utter chaos I've lived through for the past 5 years. But, with these 2 Questions from Strangers, I also kind of snapped to: What AM I doing? What I've been doing has been a "safe place" for me, obviously, but...

The Universe has somehow spoken: It's time to move the fuck on and DO something.

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