Sunday, June 24, 2012

The Worst Movie EVER??

Friday night while trying to go to sleep at 2am, I was channel-surfing and came across a very blond Richard Thomas (of later Waltons "John-Boy" fame) emoting on a beach. And then Barbara Hershey turned up. And then it turned out that there were TWO blond beach-boys hanging around with Hershey, until a nerdy girl (a la Kim Darby, but not Kim Darby) showed up to question their pigeon-killing "fun," for instance.

Based on the boys' haircuts, I'd guessed it was from '67. Turned out to be from '69, called, "Last Summer."

When I first came across the crappy thing-of-a-movie, the trio were on a beach and had a seagull attached to a string and were shrieking, "Fly, fly!" at it. The seagull, obviously attached to a string, kept tumbling back down to earth. "Come on, come on," they'd then shriek as they tossed it back in the air. It tumbled down again, obviously (since it was attached to a fucking string!). But they kept on doing this 4 or 5 times, all the while wondering why it wouldn't fly.

A nerdy girl in the film then showed up on the beach, wondering what they were doing with the bird. I had some hopes for the bird then, but when the trio went off swimming, they told the nerdy girl to "leave the bird alone." She watched them swim off and then just looked at the bird. (Set the thing FREE, dipshit!)

A few minutes later, there's a cut from that scene to another creepy beach scene with the bird. This time the trio DO cut the string and, voila, the bird actually does fly off! Only then, it comes right back. (NOOOOOOOO, bird!) The Barbara Hershey character then gushes all over it: "You flew, you flew!" And then the thing fucking bites her--as well it should have--and draws blood. And then Hershey gets to go on: "You're so ungrateful, bird!"

Cut again. We see a bloody pulp of a bird lying on the beach. (Hershey's character has obviously killed it. For its ingratitude, I assume.)

This tediousness went on and on and on and on.... And then there were multiple other tediousnesses before I, gratefully, fell asleep:

(1) The trio (ominously, given the seagull that has just been murdered) teaching the nerdy girl how to swim. (God, who was more annoying? The dykey Kim Darby-wannabe expressing way-too-verbally her fear of swimming, or Richard Thomas way-too-phonily being patient with her? His acting was so bad, I couldn't tell if it was his phony character or just his own bad acting.)

(2) The trio first "learning" how to smoke pot. (Good lord, a 50-year-old studio hack must have written this.) Like the seagull-fly scene and the teach-the-baby dyke-to-swim scene, this went on and on and on. Culminating in the mutual WASHING OF HAIR. Filmed in a horribly "joyful" way. Need I say it: Who the fuck gets stoned and then decides to go wash each other's hair? Oh my goodness, how utterly stupid.

Thanks be to God, I fell asleep at this point. I don't know what ending up happening. I assume that the Kim Darby-like baby dyke got murdered. (I don't even care if she did, since she was so annoying. But then the other 3 were equally annoying, so I hope they got caught and fried. But, oh, since it was 1969, they weren't going to get fried...)

Before I went to sleep, I made a mental note: "REMEMBER THIS. This is one of the worst movies ever made."

Funny, but when I looked the movie up on the Internet today, found this WONDERFUL review at the time by Roger Ebert! The man is fucking nuts. How in the world did he go on to get a national film-reviewing job? He writes: "Cathy Burns, as Rhoda, clearly deserves an Academy Award nomination. Barbara Hershey's character, Sandy, seems easier to play but there is a marvelous subtlety in the way she gradually alters her relationship with the other three, Richard Thomas, as Peter, and Bruce Davison, as Dan, perfectly capture the ambiguity, the self-doubt, of, adolescence."

This movie was one of the absolutely FALSEST and DUMBEST things that I've ever seen onscreen.


Last Summer
Release Date: 1969
Ebert Rating: ****
By Roger Ebert / Aug 15, 1969

From time to time you find yourself wondering if there will ever be a movie that understands life the way you've experienced it. There are good movies about other people's lives, but rarely a movie that recalls, if only for a scene or two, the sense and flavor of life the way you remember it.

Adolescence is a period that most people, I imagine, remember rather well. For the first time in your life important things were happening to you; you were growing up; what mattered to you made a difference. For three or four years, every day had a newness and unfamiliarity to it, and you desperately wanted to act in a way that seemed honorable to yourself. Even if you didn't read Thomas Wolfe you were more idealistic than you were ever likely to be again.

But on top of the desire to be brave and honorable, there was also the compelling desire to be accepted, to be admitted to membership in that adolescent society defined only by those excluded from it. Because you were insecure, like all teen-agers still groping for a style and a philosophy, you tended to value other people's opinions above your own. If everybody else disagreed with you, then how could you be right? And so sometimes you repressed your own feelings, rather than risk being shut out. And yet, inside, there was still the strong force of that idealism, and occasionally it occurred to you that the way you handled these years might decide the worth of your life.

Frank Perry's "Last Summer" is about exactly such years and days, about exactly that time in the life of four 15- or 16-year-old adolescents, and it is one of the finest, truest, most deeply felt movies in my experience.

As "Last Summer" opens we are introduced to three affluent teen-agers, two boys and a girl, who are spending the summer on Fire Island with their parents. Sandy, the girl, is more familiar and experienced with sex than the boys, or so she would have them believe. The two boys are, naturally, unsure of themselves. They are not men and yet must be concerned with manhood. In the hot sun, during the long summer, the three friends circle the knowledge of sex like skittish colts.

But the movie is not really about them. It is about Rhoda, a plump and painfully idealistic girl from Ohio, who is also staying on the island. She forces herself into the group, her loneliness overcoming her shyness. And although she seems the most insecure of them all, she is the only one who knows her own mind and whose decisions are not determined by insecurity.

What happens then -- how the story is brought to a conclusion -- is not really important to the greatness of the movie. Indeed, the sensational last scene doesn't strike me as particularly valid. A quieter conclusion would have made the point.

But the movie makes its point anyway, with dialog, with exquisitely drawn characterizations, with a very accurate examination of the adolescent character. Some months ago I attacked a lousy movie, "The First Time," because it demonstrated no knowledge of how teen-agers really talk and think. Godard tells us that the only valid act of film criticism is to make another movie; "Last Summer" will serve as the definitive criticism of "The First Time."

One scene: Rhoda has just been taught to swim by her friend Peter. They rest on the beach, and she talks about some of the things she believes in, and then he does, and then with infinite delicacy they realize they "like" each other.

Another scene: Sandy and the two boys sit on the beach, drinking beer, fooling around, skirting the awareness of their own new sexuality. During this scene the friends become unequal; Sandy is now in control.

Another scene: A rainy day. Sandy, Peter and Dan experiment with pot. On an impulse, they wash each other's hair. They talk. They kill time, Rhoda arrives and feels excluded by the camaraderie. They convince her to tell "the worst thing" in her life. Reluctantly, she does; in a brilliantly acted monolog, she describes the death of her mother by drowning. The way Rhoda's ambiguous feelings are presented makes this the best scene in the film.

There are many other things I want to say about "Last Summer," but I don't want to diminish your experience in seeing the film for the first time. So a longer article will have to wait. But let me add that the performances of the four teen-agers are the best that could possibly be hoped for; Cathy Burns, as Rhoda, clearly deserves an Academy Award nomination. Barbara Hershey's character, Sandy, seems easier to play but there is a marvelous subtlety in the way she gradually alters her relationship with the other three, Richard Thomas, as Peter, and Bruce Davison, as Dan, perfectly capture the ambiguity, the self-doubt, of, adolescence.

Cast & Credits

Sandy Barbara Hershey
Peter Richard Thomas
Dan Bruce Davison
Rhoda Cathy Burns
Anibal Ernesto Gonzalez

Allied Artists presents an Alfred W. Crown and Sidney Beckerman production, directed by Frank Perry from a screenplay by Eleanor Perry. Based on the novel by Evan Hunter. Photographed in color by Gerald Hirschfeld.


e.f. bartlam said...

Ha. I got kicked out of bed last night at 2:00 by a four year old and a sock monkey. Of course, it's impossible to just go back to sleep at that time of I watched Last Summer.

I got about half way through before I fell out. The maniacal cackling and John Boy's obsession, beyond the normal acceptable obsession, with Hersey's breasts are bizarre.

Beth Austin said...

I was actually secretly trying to stay awake for all of it; at some point it got so terrible that it was fascinating! (I have to go read the whole IMDb page; I'm assuming they let the dorky girl drown?? There seemed to be that kind of creepy, bad vibe to it... I can't believe the rave that Ebert gave it!)

e.f. bartlam said...

My guess is Hersey teaches dorky to fly then dorky does something she doesn't like and she kills her...either metaphorically or actually.

Let's watch and see. I'm pretty sure the boy'll kick me out of the bed again tonight.