Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Deadline / Astrology

By Friday, I've got to make a decision: Give my 2-month move-out notice at my 400 sq ft apartment, whose rent is going up from $600 to $650. Or sign a new 12-month lease. 12 months for $650; 6 months for $750; month-to-month for $850. If I sign for the 12 months (and I'm not going to pay any more than $650 for this teeny apartment), I'll be stuck here 'til the end of January 2014!

Damn. I SOOOOOOOOOOO wanted to move on with my life by the end of this current lease in January! I was really feelin' that it was time, psychologically...

Still have $9000 in the bank; am, with my current low-paying but long-term temp job, bringing in a few hundred more than I usually spend each month so the bank balance is relatively stable. BUT... As long as I'm just making $12 an hour, no new, bigger, more expensive apartment will take me because I wouldn't be making 3 times the rent...

I've thought about just making a wild move---giving notice, then telling whatever new place that I'm a freelancer and don't have pay stubs to show them, but that I'll pay them up front ALL of the rent I would owe for 6 months... Assuming I'd be paying @ $900 a month for a duplex or garage apartment (if I could even find one in a central location), I DO have the $5400 I could just GIVE them...

But that all feels a little too scary. The last 4 years (up until the money-full 2012) of extreme financial insecurity/instability really did put the fear in me. I NEVER want to be living month-to-month again. (And I will NEVER forget the fall of 2011, when I was about to run out of money for the next month and told my mother about it: "What are you going to do, Steph?" was her reply. She would have grudgingly given me the money rather than see me on the street, of course, but I would have had to have groveled for it. I hated her at that moment, and I hated myself for having nowhere else to turn.)

But on the other psychological hand... I'm antsy as hell living in this one room! I've been here for 2-1/2 years now! I kind of feel that I've paid my penance after coming home from NYC with my tail between my legs! :) But, seriously, my "feelings" don't really count at this point: Fact is, I still don't have a permanent job. If I did, I could do whatever the hell I wanted to do. But I don't, so I can't... Gotta face those stone-cold facts. Can't simply rely on "chance" any more, like gambling that if I go ahead and give notice, I'll miraculously find my dream-place that will be perfectly amenable to the pay arrangements that I come up with! :)

But on the other, other hand... If I give up on "chance"... Then I've, in a way, kind of given up on Life itself! 'Cause "chance" is part of the fun of it! I've experienced a lot of bad financial consequences in the past few years because of my gamble of going to NYC, sure, but... Am I willing to live a staid existence for the rest of my years? It's likely that where I'm working temp right now will indeed at some point in the next month or two offer me a permanent job as a secretary. Which will pay under $3000 a month, but still be enough to get a better place in 2014. But do I WANT that 8-5 life?? I've been doing secretarial tasks for the past 2 months in a very pleasant environment among very pleasant people... BUT I'M NOT A SECRETARY!

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My Leo sun sign LIKES working downtown with smart, well-heeled people and likes being financially independent. But Leo HATES being a secretary (too servile) and having to be around the misshapen, annoying bus/bus-stop people every day, who all reflect on Leo's own circumscribed circumstances.






My Taurus rising sign LIKES the idea of a staid existence (permanent state job that provides health care and paid vacation/holidays and enables a secure, nicer place to live if I'm just patient). And Taurus doesn't really HATE anything, but does think simply getting a cheap car would remove the griping about unwanted contact with annoying bus/street people. Plus, with a nicer, bigger place, I could again have a kitty...



My Aquarius moon sign LIKES the idea of giving notice, gambling on finding a cool place, not worrying about the future 'cause something always turns up... And Aquarius also HATES being a secretary (no excitement or creativity), though finds all the bus people interesting...




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