Saturday, February 09, 2013

"If you go home with somebody...

...and they don't have books, don't fuck."


The above motto from someone I don't know, but who's now following my Joan Crawford Twitter page.

That is actually very GREAT advice!

I will ALWAYS remember my first (1989) lover's "library": a copy of one of L. Ron Hubbard's Scientology books, and a copy of "Lolita." Those were the ONLY books in her apartment. Seriously.

She did have really advanced FURNITURE, though -- turquoise-and-black mod, circa 1960, in the living room; and a king-sized red-velvet-headboard bed, a gift from her mother (!) when she was 16 (!). (Myself, I slept in the same single white/gold Princess bed from age 5 to age 18, when I left for college. Boy, was that red-velvet headboard my virgin idea of sexy...)

That-all, and the accompanying wall above of bondage implements, did partially make up for how utterly stupid she was. But not really. As a virgin, I had some sex-stuff to learn from her, for SURE. But after that... We couldn't have a conversation outside of the bedroom. (And couldn't even have a conversation IN the bedroom: Her constant "I'm your daddy; don't tell your mama" child-abuse role-playing also got very tiresome after a few months; I just wanted to fuck HER, sans always pretending she was my "daddy"--whose own walking-around-the-house-naked ugly grown-up dick and emotionally abusive behavior I'd been utterly repulsed by as a child.)

I might also expand the above advice to: If your parents ONLY have the following 10 or so albums (total) in their "collection" while you're growing up, you ARE going to end up extremely fucked up. If only because of the fact that your parents (born in '40 and '41) only managed to accumulate 10 albums between them by their mid-'20s. And THESE were the ones:

1 Jim Nabors (!) sings military songs (!)
1 Bill Cosby comedy album
1 Elvis Presley "Golden Greats"
"Pearl" by Janis Joplin

1 Caterina Valente hits album
1 Marlene Dietrich '60s live-in-Berlin album
3 or 4 classical albums (Mozart and Beethoven)

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