Last year on this blog I summed up what nothingness had been going on on my 4th-o-Julys for the past several years:
I just re-read that 2012 entry, though, and it (I) didn't mention one important milestone that July 4 represents to me: the last time I had sex.
I won't say what year that past sex was! Suffice to say: a long, long time ago! :) (And, creepily, it was with my first lover. We were attempting to re-connect after a long break. The barbecue and swimming and going-to-see-fireworks I liked. The bad sex, I didn't.)
I do miss having plans to barbecue and swim and see fireworks tomorrow. I always tend to get ticked off with family members on holidays like this. For instance: Shouldn't my mom, as the matriarch of the family, host a barbecue? Or, shouldn't my brother, with his two kids, host one? (My brother's wife has been known to say, "It's all about family.")
Eh. My mother's never hosted a barbecue for the family. My brother and his wife spend barbecue holidays with their friends. (The sister-in-law's "It's all about family" means: "It's all about hanging out with friends who party like we do, and who have kids that our kids can play with while we're partying.")
So why was I expecting anything more than all of the above? :)
I do miss having plans to barbecue and swim and see fireworks tomorrow. (I can't wait until I really DO have my own things to do with my own lover and don't have to even bother about thinking of my crappy birth family and their not-wanting me on such days.)
p.s. To make this holiday even more irritating: In the office I've been working temp in for the past 2 weeks, there's a lesbian hipster-chick who has lived in Berkeley and New York sitting in the next cube over. She's VERY loud (as hipster-chicks from Berkeley/NYC usually are). Today, she was on the phone telling a friend how the best July 4th fireworks are on the East River of NYC. Guess what, Hipster? The fireworks moved to the west side, over the Hudson River, in 2009 (where I saw them from Weehawken)! And have been there ever since! So SHUT the FUCK UP! I also don't want to hear about your non-knowledge of horoscopes -- i.e., Scorpios all being born in October, etc. (What I could tell you about Scorpios!) Good lord, how stupid and annoying.