Been working as a temp for the past 3 months at a very high-powered exec's office (you'd know his name if you heard it), disliking the whole time my immediate secretary-boss but liking very much the idea of a potential $3800 a month and the powerful environment. Just got the shaft last week, but was told that maybe they'd want to keep me around to do "Girl-Friday-type" stuff because they were short-handed. Today: nah, no Gal Friday even.
Last week when I first found out I wasn't up for the $3800 a month, I went home and cried all weekend: "I'm a loser; nobody wants me." Today, a week later: I feel like a huge weight is off of me. I HATED the stuff I was doing. Well, no, it was TOLERABLE. What I hated was my secretary-boss: Here's an example: Yesterday, she handed me a letter with extraneous material, part of which was to be sent as an enclosure, part NOT to be sent. I specifically said to her, "OK -- let me mark what's NOT to be sent." She handed me the material NOT to be sent and I specifically marked it and put it aside. I went and did my scanning, etc., and e-mailed her a copy. Minutes later, she says to me: "I told you NOT to include _____. Why is that in the packet?" This kind of thing happened at least 10 times in the 3 months I've been there. At first, I thought I was just stupid and/or crazy! After a couple of weeks, though, I realized that SHE was the stupid, utterly irrational one.
So, nah, I'm not terribly depressed over losing out on $3800 a month from this particular source. It WOULD have meant the end to my wayward life since 2007, which I was kind of looking forward to... But... I honestly don't know how long I could have put up with this boss's bullshit before I snapped.
In the meantime, I've been reading Part One of Mark Lewisohn's new in-depth Beatles biography, up 'til '62. At first I took heart at the youthful Paul McCartney's giving up his day job at John Lennon's demand, but then, wait a second... these kids in the "story" were 20; I'm 48... Fuck! ;p (Still, I keep wondering, irrationally, while reading: What's going to happen? Another thing I kept reading was how random, various people in the early years kept saying how the Beatles made them "happy"-- I read the same on some of the Amazon reviews, too. EXACTLY. I was a miserable 15-year-old trapped in 1980 in a small town, then sans-Internet, isolated in the summer from my school friends, from anyone... And then came a Beatles Revival over one of the local Fort Worth rock stations, and a couple of Beatles movies shown during the afternoon on local TV... By my birthday in August 1980 I had Nicholas Schaffner's "Beatles Forever" book, and I was in love. During the fall, I'd decided on my favorite Beatle: John, based on his interviews and solo albums and lyrics to songs like "Working Class Hero" and "God." )
Point? Reading the Beatles bio kinda hearkened me back to when I was first discovering myself as a young teen. And reminded me that nothing about this job had anything to do with myself. I walked out of the office today feeling lighthearted and free. (At 48. I supposed that's kind of rare.)