Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Heavy, heavy

The utter heaviness I felt Sunday night drained into Monday, unfortunately. I got enough sleep, but I woke up Monday morning on top of covers with whole face swollen from crying. While I usually sleep on top of covers in the summer months, this time when I woke up, I still felt so barren and desolate and grief-stricken, I knew I couldn't handle the whole trudge to the bus-stop, etc., and needed a whole lot more time to myself, this time UNDER protective covers. So I called in sick to a job I really like, then turned up the AC and got more sleep under sheets and a thick comforter. Stayed there all Monday.

On Tuesday, I, out of guilt at being absent the day before, really kicked some editing ass! :) The stuff I've been doing is academic and difficult. Usually about 10-15 pages per day is the norm on a regular day. Today, I did 34 pages! Not only being "laser-focused" out of guilt at missing yesterday, but also because of a conscious decision to not LOOK at ANY personal online stuff: no e-mail, no Facebook, no Amazon, no eBay... no bullshit! Amazing how much you get done when ALL you are thinking about is your work.

Also today, my boss beckoned to me an hour or so into the day. "Oh, jesus," I thought. "She's going to yell at me about how I can't be absent if I want this job..." Instead, she led me to my new office. I'm no longer in the supply room! :)

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