Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Old Loves in the News

My very first lover (1989 to 1991; I was 23, she was 36.). Recently profiled in a March 2016 "Texas Monthly" article.

I knew her story from what she'd told me, but what stood out from the article to me: that I hated sleeping in complete darkness with her; that the "This Week in Texas" cover appeared the very week we moved in together in 1989; that I hated her teen-asshole goth friends (the ones accused of the Yoghurt Shop murders in Austin in '91); that her "problem with authority" extended to my request (!) that she not sleep around. I also found it interesting that, in the article, she blamed her parents and her cohorts for getting jail time --- rather than blaming herself for robbing a bank!

Back when I first knew her beginning in 1989 when she was 36, I had a clue that, because she'd been imprisoned at age 18, she was stuck mentally at age 18 and seeking out age-18 experiences and kids... True. I came from a traditional home, where Christmases and birthdays were celebrated. On my first Christmas with M., she took me to a party at an apartment occupied by a group of punk-kids who couldn't afford an apartment on their own. We sat around a tree playing some sort of "alphabet" game: "A is for Asshole, B is for Butthole, C is for Cunt..." Not my idea of Christmas.

Someone today asked me if I were interested in re-connecting with her... Ugh, no. She was awful, not bright at all, despite her cloaking herself in an "artistic" veil. She painted and claimed to "write," but... She couldn't paint, and she couldn't write. And she was pretty sleazy; sleeping around constantly. It's interesting that "Texas Monthly" is covering her, and I still think she's an interesting person. And I'm actually kind of weirdly proud that my first lover was someone rather extreme. But would I ever want to be with someone like that again? No. I was only with someone like that to begin with because I was lost and didn't know any better. The clubbing, the weirdness was exciting at 23. I still hadn't completed my Bachelor's degree, I was floundering, I thought the decadent nightlife was cool and impressive.

My attempts at relations with her messed me up for quite a few years. We broke up in '91. Since then, I've gotten a BA and an MA. I've lived in San Francisco and New York City. I've created a Joan Crawford website from scratch. I'm now an academic editor. She, in 2016, at age 63, is still talking about her heyday of 1989 thru 1991, and her '72 bank robbery. I couldn't glean from the article that she'd done anything with herself since 1991.

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