Monday, September 05, 2016

Whoa! I just got to the mental place...

...where I was ready to die sans anybody else. Is that a good or a bad thing? I feel like I've been completely by myself emotionally and intellectually since the age of 15. I struggled for connection from that age onward, with no success. Were I to die now, at 51, sans anyone whom I've ever shared my life with, it wouldn't be very dramatic or traumatic at all. Societally, it seems "tragic," but in actuality, trying to connect with various people over 3 decades has been both disturbing and annoying --- after 30 years of trying "to connect," I feel much better off today, at 51, by myself.

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