Monday, November 28, 2016

If I were to die tonight...

...I would be sad. But not horribly so.

At 51, I think I've pretty much been through all of the shallow stuff there is to go through. The decades of upset over:

The shitty, hateful, immature parents; the first innocent love (Ginny) who left me when I went off to college; the first actual sex after I came out (the scumbag Mollie); the first workplace sex with a married boss (Bill); the first online obsession/being catfished by a tranny (Julie); the first online re-connection with a past college obsession (Sandra).

From childhood through age 51, I've pretty much run the gamut of shittiness when it comes to attempts at intimacy. I have felt momentary glimpses of closeness with each of the abovementioned, but... "moments" don't count. "Moments" are kid-stuff, like liking a band for a season.

This evening, I feel that the above are, rightfully, sloughed away. If I were to die tonight, I would die emotionally clean and clear.

Follow-up the next day: Upon waking this morning, I had a groggy but literal vision of pinching off the end of a balloon and then watching the balloon sail off into the sky. That's how I feel about the above people in my life. They lighten me with their absence.

I perhaps have been watching too many episodes of "The Dead Files" (which have actually spooked me, to the point of turning on lights). A main lesson that I've gleaned from the show and its accompanying lost souls: "Get yourself right with the world if you don't want to be trapped in some horrific limbo after you've left it." Got it.

Monday, November 14, 2016

Black Men Brutally Attack Old White Guy For Voting Trump

Who are the real racists?

Since Trump's election last week, I've received 4 global e-mails from leaders at my University workplace, all along the lines of: "...The Campus Climate Response team received multiple complaints about allegedly threatening signs and comments. We take these reports seriously and are responding to them. We are also watching the national events closely — including allegations of students at other universities being targeted. Such actions are intolerable, and we will do everything we can as a university to support any members of the UT community who feel they are being targeted. The university is already developing new policies to respond to bias incidents, and we will have a proposal to share with the campus for feedback soon. Already this year the university has taken several initial steps to facilitate a faster institutional response to bias incidents...."

What is most insane about the above is that the post-election (much as the pre-election) violence has come from ANTI-Trump people! Pre-election, Wikileaks posted proof that radicals were being PAID to intentionally infiltrate Trump rallies and pick fights! Post-election, it's the radicals marching and picking fights! Yet... I get a message at my university workplace stating that the same radicals are now feeling "threatened" and that we should "support" them....

It's insane. It's Trump people who are being "targeted." See the below post-election video shot in Chicago. I myself almost didn't put a Trump sticker on my car back in July because I was afraid of idiots damaging my car. (Nothing has happened to my car; but it's sad and telling that in America, I was actually afraid of something happening to it. Luckily, Austin is rather mellow. Imagine if I lived in Oakland or Chicago, though. THERE is where the real fascism resides.)

Tuesday, November 08, 2016

Thanks, Susan B.!

Cool that people were lined up to pay respects at Susan B. Anthony's grave in Rochester today. As a feminist, wish I could've been excited about Hillary Clinton. Being anti-corporate, anti-globalist, anti-open border, however... No way.

"I think the girl who is able to earn her own living and pay her own way should be as happy as anybody on earth. The sense of independence and security is very sweet." -- Susan B. Anthony

I'm Deplorable and I voted!

I went to my local precinct around 7:30 this morning before work. By the way, where my older nephew is a freshman in high school --- was hoping to spot him and yell out, embarrassingly: "Townes, Townes! It's ME, your auntie! Go Trump!" (He and his parents and everyone they know are for Hillary via Sanders. Unfortunately for me, not him, he was nowhere in sight!) :)

Only about 10 people in front of me; was out in 15 minutes. (51% of Austinites voted early, according to local stats.)

Sunday, November 06, 2016

The Lumineers - Cleopatra

Here's another song that I've been hearing on KUTX all the time. But I liked/like this one. Until seeing this video tonight, though, I thought it was just young rocker-guys being falsely sensitive. It's actually profound, poetic.


I was Cleopatra, I was young and an actress
When you knelt by my mattress, and asked for my hand
I was sad you asked it, as I laid in a black dress
With my father in a casket, I had no plans

And I left the footprints, the mud stained on the carpet
And it hardened like my heart did when you left town
But I must admit it, that I would marry you in an instant
Damn your wife, I'd be your mistress just to have you around

But I was late for this, late for that, late for the love of my life
And when I die alone, when I die alone, when I die I'll be on time

While the church discouraged, any lust that burned within me
Yes my flesh, it was my currency, but I held true
So I drive a taxi, and the traffic distracts me
From the strangers in my backseat, they remind me of you

But I was late for this, late for that, late for the love of my life
And when I die alone, when I die alone, when I die I'll be on time

And the only gifts from my Lord were a birth and a divorce
But I've read this script and the costume fits, so I'll play my part

I was Cleopatra, I was taller than the rafters
But that's all in the past now, gone with the wind
Now a nurse in white shoes leads me back to my guestroom
It's a bed and a bathroom
And a place for the end

I won't be late for this, late for that, late for the love of my life
And when I die alone, when I die alone, when I die I'll be on time

Margaret Glaspy - Emotions and Math (Official Video)

I've been listening to Austin's independent radio station KUTX to and from work (too lazy to pick a CD for the day). And I hear this thing EVERY TIME! I HATE IT! But then I got curious about why I hated it so much. Initially, because the singer was trying to be hip and cool while singing about missing someone. It was phony. And the lyrics were bad: "Counting all the days 'til you're back / shivering in an ice-cold bath... " UGH. (Taking a cold bath to assuage desire? Did you read that in a 1952 romance novel?)

And I was so obsessed with how bad the overplayed song was, I had to go find this video and then look up Glaspy online. Is there some irony there? Is Glaspy secretly a really wild chick pretending to be an office-gal, singing in an office-gal's alleged "voice"? Well, no. She's not secretly a wild chick, she's an uptight leftist chick raised in California, later went to elite music schools. Now here she is being ironic about allegedly having a day job and singing songs for the masses. So fucking annoying. Like Sylvia Plath trying to sing a pop song.

Wednesday, November 02, 2016

World Series, 10th Inning

Lessons learned from announcers while watching the last game of the World Series tonight: "Take what the game gives you." And "You can't show any cracks."

2016 UK Guy Fawkes Day effigy

This year's Guy Fawkes bonfire effigy in the UK is more appropriate than the usual casual celebrities featured, given that Trump really IS going to blow up the government. (Why, though, no pants?)