Tuesday, May 30, 2017


After liberal professor Bret Weinstein had the nerve to object to a call for a "No Whites Day" on the Evergreen State College campus in Washington, here's what happened on campus. I'm embarrassed for the white administrators in this video, who are too cowardly to stand up for intellectual honesty, and too cowardly to put these proto-fascists in their place. ENOUGH.


What's happening right now in America reminds me of the chaotic idiocy that I experienced firsthand while attending grad school in San Francisco in 1994-95. One example of many: One day while riding the bus, a young black guy got on. The bus fare was $1, but the guy either didn't have the money or didn't feel like paying it. So he made a big scene with the driver. We riders all sat there for minutes while the guy went blah-blah-blah with the driver. Finally, an old white woman sitting next to me stood up and tried to hand the young man a dollar bill. Nope, didn't want it. Just wanted to argue with the driver. We sat there for more minutes. Finally, the driver gave up and let the guy ride for free.

At the time, I thought, "No fucking way this would ever happen in Texas (my home state)." I gratefully escaped back to Austin the second I was awarded my degree.

Now, in 2017, it appears there is no escape. The San Francisco insanity has followed me home and spread, like a cancer, over the whole country.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

I'm so bored and desperate...

...I've been checking out Craig's List apartments in Weehawken, New Jersey, and figuring how much money I can get from separating from my current job (@ $6000) and from selling my car (@$3000) in order to move back there and put down first/last/deposit.

I want that exact apartment and neighborhood and sunlight and winter and fall back, and I want that exact cat, Gracie, back. And I never want to have heard from Sandra. I was happy for about 6 months.

Some rescue pets; some, kids...

BOOK RESCUE! Carried some beer bottles out to the trash today, and saw a stack of books sitting there! Though my goal has been to get rid of 100 of my books in the next year, I had to take these orphans home! (Wish me luck on ever reading "Jude the Obscure." Though I did take a class on 19th-century British lit and did appreciate Hardy's "Tess of the d'Urbervilles." Reading "Ulysses" is never going to happen. I've tried multiple times. But, hey, at least I have it there in case I feel like fulfilling some intellectual ambitions in the next 20 years...)

Saturday, May 20, 2017


RE: The dicks in the apartment overlooking mine:

(1) The dicks partied from 9am to midnight last Mother's Day. Yeah, a solid 15 hours.
(2) I complained to management the next day re the 15-hr partying. As it turned out, it's the dicks' 3 chairs on the walk that aren't allowed on the premises. (And further, as it turned out: Only 2 people are on the lease, whereas 4 to 6 other people are constantly hanging out there.)

The HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA part comes from my looking out the window at 7pm tonight and seeing that their 3 chairs had been removed. One of the dicks was out there actually sweeping post chair-removal. Then later that eve, saw him propping his butt on the window-sill while texting.


Thursday, May 18, 2017

Fighting Words

[Austin, Texas] Today at my hairdresser's, I was being shampooed next to a stylist/customer who were having a loud discussion, fully in agreement, about why Trump should be impeached. As I was being finished off, my own stylist, referring to the conversation next to us, mentioned, "I heard there was a march downtown today to impeach Trump."

ME: "Well, good thing I wasn't there, because I voted for Trump."

The majority of hair-stylists are genial people, and mine recovered politely: "Why did you vote for him?"

ME:  "There were only two people who ever mentioned that American workers' jobs were being shipped overseas: Bernie Sanders and Trump. And these were the only two candidates who mentioned the terrible trade deals that the US has been making, to the detriment of US workers. And who would be better to handle trade deals? Sanders, who knew nothing about business, or Trump, who'd been making business deals all of his life? Oh, and I also don't think illegal immigrants should be allowed to stay in our country."

[The above sounds made up after-the-fact, but I actually said most of it at the time, even the word "detriment."]

As my shampoo was finished and I was told to go back to my chair, I turned to the two "impeachment" gals and said loudly: "I can't stand this anti-Trump shit." Unfortunately, the water was running and these two didn't hear me.

Back at my hair-cutting station, my ever-congenial stylist told me that her own family voted for "4 different candidates." (I know Sanders/Clinton/Trump, but... who was the 4th?) And then things simmered down until I told her that I was going to get into a fight with the two back at the shampoo area if they happened to be sitting next to me... "They're across the room," she reassured me."

Nonetheless, I kept glaring at various duos of stylists/customers as they crossed my sites. Unfortunately, many women look alike with their hair wet, so I couldn't quite pinpoint who exactly to be pissed off at or yell "Viva Trump!" at as I exited the place.

Trump (January 2016): "I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose voters." I'm one of those voters. Not because I'm mindless but because I recognize that Trump is the only politician in America who has balls enough to identify the utterly corrupt corporate-run system (both domestically and internationally) AND to attempt to fight it. Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Foundation were completely corporate-bought and sick --- talk about "Russian influence"! How hypocritical that the Democrats are now decrying the Russians.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Why don't I...

On Mother's Day, my mom said to me (as she sat in my apartment post-Mother's Day lunch): "I read the books on the best-seller lists. You can write as well as they can. Why don't you write something so you can get rich and buy a house?"

"Oh, Mom," I said. "I'm not that smart, not on THAT level. And I don't have the free time or the money. I spend all of my energy making a living."

Later that day, after she'd gone, I thought: "I also have nothing to write about: No great love, no interesting travels. Plus: You've got to be able to relax and THINK and let thoughts percolate and coalesce. At 51, after years of living hand to mouth, I now spend all of my energy making a living for fear of having to again temp and live in a one-room apartment." First things first.

La Belle Jeane - Bay City Rollers (1976)

Bay City Rollers - It's a Game (1977)

There's snakes upon your ladder
And there's dice upon your skirt...

Bay City Rollers - Don't Let the Music Die (1977)

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Don't Stop the Music/Maybe I'm a Fool (Bay City Rollers '75)

Les McKeown gives me goosebumps here. He used to be my 2nd favorite Roller, after Eric, but I love watching him here, and I especially love his distinct voice. "My heart will shine" --- I used to sing that to myself, hearing his voice.

I only wanna be with you / Bay City Rollers (1976)

Tuesday, May 09, 2017

My beloved books become annoying

I moved into my new apartment 2 weeks ago. My books have, until tonight, remained unpacked --- too damn tedious to mess with until now. (As the movers in 2014 asked me: "Ma'am, have you considered investing in a Kindle?")

I spent 4 hours tonight simply unpacking all the books; getting only about half in place. (The rest are still sitting around on the floor --- but at least they're unpacked.)

I used to go around claiming I had "1000 books." Well, I'm anal, so while all the books were sitting around tonight, I counted them just so I'd know: 642.

After the physical hardship of moving stuff 2 weeks ago, I vowed to get rid of 100 books. Now that I know my total is only 642, I just vow to get rid of 64 of them. I don't need "Paris 1919," for instance. Or a bio of Hart Crane. Or the story of the Kennedy patriarch. I can go to the library if I'm so curious. (Of course, I'm keeping every single Joan Crawford, Plath, Sexton, Ted Hughes, Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Tennessee Williams...)

I'm not a matriarch settled in a homestead, building a library. Rather, I'm a renter who has a bunch of shit that I have to move around every year or two or three. I need to thus plan accordingly.

Saturday, May 06, 2017

Well made

Recently I've been transitioning my kitchen to red accessories: new trashcan, towels, potholders, broom, etc. Was about to get rid of the dumpy old Panasonic microwave, a hand-me-down years ago from my mom, in favor of a snazzy new red one...until I came across the booklet that came with it. My mom had stapled the receipt in there --- she bought it at Christmas 1985! The thing is 32 years old! In honor of that amazing longevity (what appliance lasts for 32 years these days??), I'm gonna keep it until it gives out on its own.

Friday, May 05, 2017

Ooh-la-la: Le Pen vs. Macron

The French are a bit more mature and philosophical when it comes to their candidates' private lives.

I'm hoping for a Le Pen win on May 7, based on her anti-EU/anti-corporate/pro-nationalist policies. Marine Le Pen's father Jean-Marie Le Pen is a real racist; the daughter took over his National Front party in 2011 and has since liberalized it socially --- it's now pro-gay/pro-reproductive rights, while retaining adamantly pro-nationalist France and anti-globalist immigration and trade policies. Macron, on the other hand, is an investment banker, a supporter of the EU and its pro-immigration/pro-free trade policies...and a protege of the current milquetoast internationalist president Hollande.

Positions aside, the personal lives of the two candidates are fascinating to me. They're so much sloppier (and so much more interesting) than, say, would be "allowed" on the American political stage. 

Le Pen has had two 5-year marriages and is currently shacking up with a guy from her political party. She publicly broke with her father in 2014 after his Doberman killed her cat on the estate they shared. 

Macron met his current wife when he was a 15-year-old schoolkid and she his 39-year-old teacher; they finally married in 2007, when he was 30.

It's all very shaggy and real and oh-so-French.

In the meantime: Brigitte Bardot on the French election (in her Le Figaro interview this week):

“The contempt [Macron] gives to animal suffering can be seen in the total lack of empathy reflected in the coldness of his steel eyes. Whilst the scandals are increasing, he takes the side of the animal breeders and the hunters against animal rights associations that are fighting with the lobbies that seem to have power over this candidate.”

“We live in a period when everything is vulgar, ordinary, and mediocre. France no longer has the radiance, the majesty it had. I am very patriotic. I was raised by a father and a grandfather who fought for France and instilled in me a love of my homeland. I am not proud of what France is today… I’m not a ‘facho’ [fascist], any more than Marine Le Pen is. Marine Le Pen has the will to take France in hand, to restore borders and give priority to the French.”

I do agree that Marine Le Pen has the more soulful eyes. Jean d'Arc vs. Ted Bundy.

Tuesday, May 02, 2017

shallow reign - paint the flowers all black

Late summer/fall of 1988. Living briefly in Hurst-Euless-Bedford with K/K, travelling weekly to Deep Ellum in Dallas to see Shallow Reign, New Bohemians, Course of Empire.

"The EU is shining with the light of a dead star."

"The EU is shining with the light of a dead star." -- Marine Le Pen