Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Say Ginny had not left me...

We knew each other in high school in the spring and summer of 1983.

She died in 1988.

1983 to 1988, she came and went in and out of my life. I was in college in Austin, but I was also conscious of what she was doing.

She called me in 1987, asking if I'd graduated yet. (Since I'd gone off to college in '83, I should have graduated by 1987 -- I hadn't.) She then got her "other" friend to come stay with her while she died in Georgia.

But what if I'd been with Ginny when she died? What if I'd stayed in Azle after I graduated in '83 just to be with her? I think I would have done so if she'd wanted me. [Edit a few days later: I was winning all sorts of minor awards in high school and clearly going off to college in Austin. Ginny wanted me during my senior year of high school, but it was clear that I was going off to college. She could have joined me in Austin a year later, when she graduated; but by then she'd chosen someone else. I would NEVER have stayed in Azle in 1983. I had too much of life before me to investigate.]

And after she died in Georgia? I would have been a lost soul. I'd probably be working as an Admin Assistant today.

When I came to college in Austin in '83, I used to constantly bemoan why she wasn't with me. Every experience that I had, every club I went to, every apartment I lived in wasn't as good because she wasn't there. Such an ugly, creepy feeling. She didn't want me, but I didn't like what I was living because she wasn't there. I went on with living, but it wasn't as good.

Say she'd wanted me...  I used to think that I would bring her into my college world because I was so serious about it; but she could just as easily have dragged me into her world --- her nothing-world, where she worked at a record store at a mall, and stole from them... And then blamed me, in Austin, where she brought her stolen tapes to sell.

All of this is nothing. She was an idiot. But she was more memories than I've ever had with anyone else.

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