Wednesday, February 21, 2018

What you "identify as"

It's all over the Internet that kids should "identify as" gay or trans, even if they're not exactly that. Me, I came out as "gay" at 23 in 1988 to my mother, specifically because I was in love with a woman at that time, and my mother called me at the very moment I was hoping the elusive lover would be calling me.

That woman didn't want me, and I went on to come out in public at a Gay March in Austin in April 1989. It was exciting to meet my first lover at that march. Except that she turned out to be an ex-con with a fetish for teenagers, and a self-styled dominatrix besides. And she immediately gave me a sexually transmitted disease.

I remain sad that I couldn't have simply had innocent teenage relations in high school, as other kids did. Instead of being able to go to the prom with someone I liked, my own first lover, years later, was a creepy ex-con, drug-doing dominatrix who gave me herpes. No kid deserves that as a first sexual memory.

Oh, about what one "identifies as": I'm bi. I've had sex with 5 people --- 1 man and 4 women. The one man was the best, most affectionate. I'm more attracted to women, but the one man was the best lover.

Despite my lesbian inclinations, I now completely "identify as" straight. Why? Because my experiences among gay people, both intimately and at gay clubs, have been shallow and unpleasant: Dominatrix first lover, drug-addled people at the clubs. I didn't "come out" into anything positive, although I did get to have sex for the first time.

At 52, I'm still attracted to women, but I "identify as" straight. I want to be with a woman, but I don't want anything to do with the skanky gay subculture.

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