We make our meek adjustments,
Contented with such random consolations
As the wind deposits
In slithered and too ample pockets.
Monday, November 29, 2021
Hart Crane: Chaplinesque (1926)
I can't think of the last time I saw the stars.
I learned in school, about age 7 or 8, that the sun was a star. And ever since then, I was amazed by all of the other stars in the sky. (Figured out immediately that there was other life out there.)
Similarly while growing up, I would find spiral-shaped fossils in the dirt, and I recognized that these were from millions of years ago. And while traveling by car from Texas to California in the mid-'90s, I thought to myself about the landscape, "This looks like the barren, leftover bottom of the ocean"--- I didn't know at that time that that was exactly what this landscape was millions of years ago: the Western Interior Seaway.
https://www.cretaceousatlas.org/geology/
I know some things, I miss the stars.
Sunday, November 28, 2021
A Cat or a Hot-Water Bottle
I've got 5 cats. Stray cat Mama Hennessy that I'd been feeding in 2018 spewed her babies out in April 2019 in my neighbor's backyard in the middle of a rainstorm.
I posted "free kittens" signs and nobody wanted the babies... So they're all mine: Hennessy, Pete, Solomon (Mini), Sasha-Su; and then the later-adopted Cinco (December 2019, huddling in the backyard, then huddling on the front ledge).
Two years in to this multi-cat adventure: All five of the cats move along with me. If I'm lying on the couch, they all bunch up on the couch with me. If I sit at my computer, they all lie in their cat-beds right next to me and my computer.
It's kind of cute. Sometimes. When I'm trying to sleep on my couch, it's hard to sleep with 3 or 4 cats at/on my feet. They get heavy. Sometimes I want to move my feet and legs and shove them off, but then I feel guilty.
Reminded of something that Sylvia Plath said while visiting a home in England: "Do you want a cat or a hot-water bottle?" (Cats are indeed warm if they lie quietly, but they don't always lie quietly!) Which would YOU choose?
There is a myth that cats are solitary. The only reason they're supposedly solitary is that they've usually been separated at birth. These cats of mine run in a pack and like to sleep in a pack, on top of each other, and of me.
Thanksgiving Post-WWI

Wednesday, November 24, 2021
Monday, November 22, 2021
Conversations with Strangers
Before I turned 40, plenty of random people came up to me on the street/in the classroom/in the workplace to strike up conversations: all male. At the time, I thought that they were just talking to me because I was so obviously smart and intriguing. Ha! In truth, I looked much cuter then, and they were interested in sex. One blatant example: A young guy in San Francisco came and sat next to me on the bus. We were chatting amiably, but the second I told him I was gay, he literally got up and moved to another seat without any appropriate segue!
Cut to today: I'm now middle-aged. Young men don't make passes at me. But what I discovered this past week is that fellow middle-aged women have now apparently acknowledged me as one of their own and we're now bonding: When I got my Covid shot at the supermarket pharmacy, I had a lengthy fun conversation with an ultra-supportive middle-aged mom there for her flu shot. And I've had a couple of other 50-something women smile broadly at me in passing in the past couple of days. (In the olden days, the only people who would smile at me were men, both younger and older.)
Are the smiles of other 50-plus women a recognition of our current shared state? If so, I welcome them. I would like some friends.
Thanksgiving Supplies!
Went grocery shopping today. Prepared for Thanksgiving by myself on Thursday!
Back in the '90s, working among fellow 30-something hipsters, one girl said to me smugly re her and her boyfriend: "We're going to a bar and ordering hamburgers for Thanksgiving." As I said at the time: Not me. I can go to a bar and order a hamburger any day of the week. Who wants that same depressing shit on Thanksgiving?
At that time, in the '90s, I had my mother's home to go to. The crescent rolls and cranberry sauce were canned, as above---and I like them like that! But the turkey and potatoes and pie were home-made. I miss those. But I reproduce the whole scenario as best I can. Will heat some of the above, as required, and watch the Dallas Cowboys play on TV, as I have since my youth---it will be a reproduction of my childhood Thanksgiving day, as close as possible. (Even when I was in San Francisco or New York for Thanksgiving, I always at least bought a frozen turkey dinner and ate that in mocking honor of the day. And the Cowboys have always been there for every Thanksgiving.)
The only thing I forgot today while grocery-shopping: My LeSeuer peas! My first Thanksgiving with my first girlfriend in 1989, I made a big scene and insisted that we go back to the store for said peas. Hmmm----Will I be so insistent with myself this week?
Saturday, November 20, 2021
Kyle Rittenhouse: Not Guilty
Rittenhouse was charged with the murder of two rioters on the streets of Kenosha, Wisconsin, in August 2020. As videos from the trial showed, Rittenhouse fired at the said victims only after each had attacked him first.
Joseph Rosenbaum was one of the two rioters that Rittenhouse shot dead after being attacked. Rosenbaum's police record:
Newly released Joseph Rosenbaum sex offender documents obtained by Wisconsin Right Now from the Pima County (Arizona) Clerk of Courts confirm Joseph Rosenbaum was charged by a grand jury with 11 counts of child molestation and inappropriate sexual activity around children, including anal rape. The victims were five boys ranging in age from nine to 11 years old.
Probably good that the pedophile Anarchist Rosenbaum was shot dead.
Overview: The police of Kenosha, Wisconsin, should have been in charge of keeping the streets peaceful back in August 2020 after the shooting of Jacob Blake (a criminal shot by police while being arrested for sexual assault and other charges). But the police were forbidden from doing so by both the city mayor and the state governor, neither of whom called out the National Guard to prevent the ongoing street violence. When city officials don't allow the police to do their job, then citizens might feel obligated to take matters into their own hands.
Friday, November 19, 2021
Got my second Covid vax shot this week.
Forced to get the Covid vax because of Biden: Back in October, Biden decreed that all Federal workers (and Federal contractors) get shots or else be fired. I'm making a lot of money, and I didn't want to be fired, so I got the two-part Moderna shot, October 20 and November 17.
Getting said shots was anti-science, though: Infection rates were lower in 2020, pre vaccine. Masks don't matter because microbes don't care about masks. The AVERAGE age of death from Covid in 2020 was 80. Today, in 2021, it's still 80. Since Covid became known in Austin, Texas, in March 2020, about 1300 people have officially died (in a city of over 1 million). RE the number of people who have died: The Federal government reimburses money to the hospital ONLY if the patient has Covid. If they're admitted to a hospital for any other reason---if they're old with other underlying diseases, if they have the flu---the hospital only gets Federal money if the patients are diagnosed with Covid.
It's a complete financial scam. But, yeah, I got the shots to keep my job. And now I can go to the Austin Symphony (ha!) or travel abroad!
p.s. When I went to my local grocery store for my second shot, the dim-witted pseudo-pharmacist told me his story: When he'd gotten the second shot, it was so harsh he subsequently slept for "20 hours." When I got MY second shot (Moderna), it felt worse than the first, but I certainly did not sleep for 20 hours (what a drama queen). My arm hurt, and I did go to bed early that night and feel cranky the next day... but the day after, I felt fine.
Monday, November 15, 2021
In Praise of Karens
Were it not for Karens (i.e. "women of European ancestry who don't put up with bullshit in their homes or neighborhoods"), the world would be in chaos. (Sorry, black women, but...look at your men. Y'all don't have such a great record when it comes to keeping their chaotic behavior in check.)
Back in the '80s, there was a "Broken Window Theory" proposed by social scientists:
First introduced in 1982 by social scientists James Q. Wilson and George L. Kelling, the broken window theory posits that small criminal acts within a community — graffiti being a prime example — creates an environment that breeds more (and more serious) crime. The idea is that an offender may feel more inclined or justified to commit further antisocial crimes in an area where antisocial crime has not been confronted.
Exactly. Today, such dampers on assholes don't seem to be popular. In fact, we "Karens" are mocked. But we actually play an important role in the ongoing attempt to maintain a pleasant environment.
My own Karen-ness in the past 4 years at my apartment complex:
2017: When I first moved in, a group of low-lifes lived in an apartment above me. Constantly partying, constantly playing loud music, and setting off fireworks within the complex. Went out to ask them to shut up multiple times. When that didn't work, reported them multiple times to apartment management until they finally moved out.
2018-2019: A different set of guys who also set off fireworks within the complex and also liked to sit in their truck in the parking lot and blare their music. Went out to ask them to shut up multiple times and also reported them multiple times to management until they finally moved out.
Past couple of days: Tree-trimmers for the apartment blaring their music. Didn't say anything Saturday. DID say something today---twice. Went out and nicely asked them to turn down their music. They stopped for about an hour, then jacked it up again. I then went and reported them to apartment management, who called their boss.
You're welcome, neighbors. (And don't tell me you weren't irritated by that shit but were just too cowardly to say anything yourselves. It takes a Karen.)
Sunday, November 14, 2021
You Get Your Turn, If You're Lucky
I've got two varying Theories o' Life:
One: When a man ejaculates, he releases millions of sperm. Only one of those millions of sperm reaches the woman's egg. And even if the sperm reaches the egg and fertilizes it, the woman may then choose to abort you. So if you're actually born, be extremely grateful: You're one in millions.
Two: At one of my lowest points, I saw an episode of "The Twilight Zone" on TV:
"The After Hours," from 1960. A woman shopping in a department store encountered various oddly behaving sales-people and mannequins. As it turned out, the woman herself had been one of the mannequins, who were each allowed a brief time to go out into the world, and it was now time for her to go back.
Watching that "Twilight Zone" episode, I had a flash of recognition: We're all like those mannequins. You get your turn, and then you must go back. Be grateful for your brief chance. (And be grateful if you even had a chance in the first place.)
Thursday, November 11, 2021
Google Fiber
Had to sit through 2 hours of Google Fiber being installed in my apartment today (after "45 minutes to 1 hour" claim). Was relieved to learn that having the Google Fiber option did not mean that I was FORCED to get it (nor did the workers installing it interfere with my Spectrum Internet service). Unlike the recent conversion in my apartment complex of all washers/dryers to APP-ONLY. Or the recent conversion of America per Biden order to VAX-ONLY (or else you won't have a job).
RE the app-only washers: About 2 years ago, the complex went from quarters to swiping debit cards---that was perfect for me. (Constantly having to ask store-owners for quarters was a pain; a debit-card swipe was easy.)
After the app-only switch last month, I've now done a few loads of washes with the app, and no glitches (other than the app not recognizing one load of laundry in a dryer, so I had to move the load to a recognized dryer). Luckily, I bought a smart phone last July. What if I hadn't, though? What was wrong with the debit-card option---which has always been glitch-free.
As for the Google Fiber installation:
The main guy doing the installation was from El Salvador. After complimenting me on my uncluttered apartment (he said that most of the apartments he'd been in today had so much stuff against the walls, it was hard to install the Google Fiber stuff), he then saw that I had Fox on TV, which led to a discussion about political beliefs. He came to the US 30 years ago after escaping from El Salvador's FMNL communist government. And last year, one of his work-trucks was caught amidst the Austin riots, and he instructed his workers to get out rather than engage. (This revelation because we were discussing the Kyle Rittenhouse court proceedings being shown on cable---I argued that had the city officials allowed the police to quell the riots, then there would have been no need for any citizens to go out to attempt to "help.")
After the above hard-core El Salvadoran vet was finished with HIS Google Fiber work, he sent in his minion to finish the job, a young guy from Saudi Arabia that he earlier said "didn't know how to work." (Ah, the different prejudices among different people.) This young guy was pleasant enough, and at the end of his tasks, while he and I were chatting about how much faster Google Fiber might actually be, he looked up at my wall where I had a framed picture of Tammy Wynette and George Jones, and asked: "Is that you up there?"
Me: What?!
Him: Is that you in that picture?
Wow! Thank you, myopic young man from Saudi Arabia!
He then asked if that man with her in the picture was blind! I couldn't quite explain the history of Tammy Wynette and George Jones, but asked him to be sure and look up the song "Stand By Your Man." (But, yes, George Jones may have been blind.)
Tuesday, November 09, 2021
The Worst Place I Ever Lived
1715-A Taylor Gaines in Austin, Texas.
Duplex (my side was at the front, on both sides of the carport shown here).
Paid $495 per month from February 1996 to August 1997.
765 sq ft. 1 bed, 1 bath, backyard, washer/dryer.
My situation: Just finished grad school at San Francisco State in December 1995, then moved back to Austin. Lived with my mother in San Antonio around Christmas, then with my brother in Austin for a month from January 1996 until February 1996; he then told my mother he didn't want me there any more, so she paid my deposit and first month's rent at this place. I found temp work at the University, but things were constantly tight during this time.
April 30, 1997: On the day that Ellen DeGeneres came out on TV, and on the day that I was sitting there reading my father's military psychological reports that my mother had recently given me, a car smashed into my duplex. Some drug-addled gay guy had run his car UP a steep driveway and bashed in my bedroom wall (and shaken me up while I was sitting there in my living room). When I went out to see what the hell had just happened, I saw the guy, but he then ran off and left his car sitting right there. I called the police, but they didn't show up for at least 3 hours despite numerous calls. When my neighbor came home, he thought I'd allowed a friend to park in his spot of the carport (heaven forbid!), so he, like a bitch, parked his car right behind the crashed car to "teach me a lesson."
I had two random guys over to this place. One was a local musician that I'd met at a "Two Hoots and a Holler" show. He came over, and I listened to him play guitar, but there was no connection at all, and he left pleasantly. (Though later, I was chastised by Rick Broussard of Two Hoots himself: "You didn't know he was married?" Uh, no, he didn't mention that.) The second was a guy I met in the parking lot coming out of a Two Hoots show at 2am or thereabouts. He asked if I wanted to do some cocaine, and I, being sad and lonely, said "sure." We came back to this place and listened to music. At one point he put his hand on my thigh, and I inadvertently recoiled. His face changed and he said, "Don't do that." I apologized for being rude, and we went on talking until daybreak, when I called in sick to work. I got lucky: This guy could have killed me. The first guy was known in the local music community, but the second guy was a complete stranger, and a wired stranger at that. I wasn't raped this time, but I would be raped in 2000 under similar circumstances after inviting a seemingly friendly stranger to my place.
Some Hispanic guys came to my door asking if I needed my lawn mowed for $10. I did, but all I had was a $20. They volunteered to go get change. (Ha! Stupid me.)
Near the end of my lease, my brother cut my grass on 8/11 (I'd asked for that as a birthday gift). But then, on 8/14, the landlord posted a message on my door saying that since my grass hadn't been cut, I would not get my deposit back. I protested this blatant fake attempt to deny me my deposit. I can't remember what my original deposit was---back in the '90s, Austin deposits were quite low, maybe half the rent. Whatever the deposit was, I was told that I'd get $20 back. Not half, as in $250, but $20. A couple of months later, I still had not even received the meager check for $20. When I called the management office to complain, the manager said to me on the phone: "You're THAT desperate for $20?"
That, in a nutshell, was my life during this time. Everything was shitty (sometimes literally).
Sunday, November 07, 2021
"Meet Cute": Never For Me
Last time I had a near-"Meet Cute" moment was in 2009 when I lived in Weehawken, New Jersey, along the Hudson River overlooking the NYC skyline. One evening, I was leaning on a wall overlooking the beautiful skyline when a fluffy white dog sans leash came bounding toward me. I bent down to pet her and ask where she came from. According to The Movies, a charming person should have been chasing after the pet, and we would have Met Cute. Alas, in my case above, a minute or so later, a mentally-challenged guy missing teeth ran up. Yes, it was his dog who had gotten loose. But no, he in his drug/drink-addled state was not capable of any coherent conversation. Sigh.
Just this past week, I had another potential "Urban Meet Cute" event: I went to my local corner store to get my usual week's supply of cheap Marlboro Light cigarettes. Ahead of me in line was an attractive Indian woman buying a couple of health drinks. She got her drinks and left, then I got my cigs and left. When I walked out of the store, the woman was waiting outside. She asked if she could buy one cigarette from me for $1... Puzzled, I asked why in the world... She said that she herself never bought a whole pack of cigarettes but was trying to find a type of cigarette that she liked... She had tried Lucky Strike, etc. Now, at this point, I was thinking that she was either a social smoker who really never did buy a pack for herself, or that she had a husband at home who didn't permit smoking. So I dug out one of my just-bought packs of Marlboro Lights and unwrapped it and let her take a cigarette out for herself (no charge). She sniffed at it and then said: "Oh no, this is terrible, you should never smoke this." Annoyed at the un-asked-for lecture, I said: "Well YOU were the one who asked for one of my cigarettes!" And she got in her car and left in a huff. And I then felt bad about myself because I'd somehow attracted this weirdo to interact with me!
Sigh.
Wednesday, November 03, 2021
Let's Go Brandon: Forgiato Blow
[Verse]
Americans screamin' "Let's go, Brandon" (Let's go, Brandon)
Patriots screamin' "f*ck Joe Biden" (f*ck Joe Biden)
The media, they tryna play us like fools, yeah (Play us like fools)
You know she heard "f*ck Biden" too, yeah (Haha)
Sleepy Joe ain't got no support (Sleepy Joe)
Hunter Biden better show up to court (Hunter Biden)
Fake nеws tryna silence the truth, yеah (Yeah)
We the people tryna save the youth, yeah (Tryna save 'em)
I ain't takin' no vaccine (Nah)
I ain't flyin' Southwest, don't ask me, no (Don't ask me)
And I ain't wearin' no mask, they nasty (No masks)
And all you liberals better tryin' harass me (Huh, bitch)
You know we tried to stop the steal (Stop the steal)
They or me, Republican, pop the red pill (Pop a red pill)
Now the whole world screamin' "f*ck Joe Biden" (f*ck Joe Biden)
Proud Americans in PDs, I hear wylin'
Let's go, Brandon, let's go, Brandon
Let's go, Brandon, let's go, Brandon (Hahaha)
Let's go, Brandon, let's go, Brandon (Let's go Brandon, woo)
Yeah, f*ck Joe Biden (f*ck Joe)
[Outro]
Let's go, Brandon
That's also a new favorite among Americans
Winning a big race, Brandon Brown
After his big victory in Talladega
Oh, the reporter actually thinks they were saying, cheering Brandon
When you listen closely, no, they're not
Ha, you know they ain't (Hahaha)
They tryna spin it on the 'peachin' (They tryna blame us)
But you can never play the patriots, I told you
Joe, you went viral again
No, they weren't chanting "Let's go, Brandon" at all
You, the American people, have every reason to be angry at Joe Biden
He is failing this country around every turn
Every American is paying the price, the world is paying the price
Let's Go Brandon: Loza Alexander
Ayy, you know what they sayin', though (fuck Joe Biden)
Ayy, you know what they, woo (fuck Joe Biden)
Yeah, uh, you know what they, yeah (fuck Joe Biden)
Ayy (fuck Joe Biden)
And I say it wit' a passion (fuck Joe Biden)
As I pull off in the Aston (fuck Joe Biden)
Don't nobody like his ass, huh? (fuck Joe Biden)
Tried to cover up, but tell the people, go Brandon (fuck Joe Biden)
But we know what they sayin', though (fuck Joe Biden)
You can hear the chant in every post (fuck Joe Biden)
Don't nobody want this commie 'cause we not in China (fuck Joe Biden)
Everybody hated Trump and now they out to catch a body (fuck Joe Biden)
That's what they get for treatin' us like we in Squid Games (fuck Joe Biden)
Dream light, mandate like he's insane (fuck Joe Biden)
These times, people wakin' up to everything (fuck Joe Biden)
Go Brandon, but we all know what the sayin' mean
(Let's go, Brandon) (fuck Joe Biden)
(Let's go, Brandon) (fuck Joe Biden) you know what they sayin'...
Let's Go Brandon: Topher (feat. @D.Cure & @The Marine Rapper)
Brandon, Brandon, Brandon
Picked the wrong race, bud
But don’t worry
We givin’ everybody the smoke today
Ayy
Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go Brandon, ayy
Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go Brandon, ayy
NASCAR got em chantin’, ayy, “Let’s go Brandon”
Some don’t understand it, who really commandin’?
Left Kabul abandoned, how dare he do it Dannon
He don’t want us to breathe, the strangler from Scranton
Someone give assisted livin’ a call, “Get your man back”
He don’t know what’s real at a-a-all, what about Amtrak?
They don’t care about this virus, really, flights are jam-packed
Everybody gotta go and get a vaccine when I’m askin’, you better have a stamp
Prices risin’ by the minute
Tell me, you want Biden in it?
Mask required, I don’t go get it
I am not complyin’ wit’ it
Got that drive, don’t try to rent it
When I exercise and try to limit my DVR
Everybody wanna lie, my reply, let’s go TMR
Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go Brandon, ayy
Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go Brandon, ayy
Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go, Joe Biden, oh yes, he must go
For what he did to the thirteen, just know that I’ll never let go
Military, all my vets know, my family, like Toretto
Yes I’m furious, on petrol, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go
Joe, you nuts like Chip and Dale if you think that you’ll ever Earnhardt
You a senior touchin’ juniors, can’t you let her finish school first? (Ew)
You like them eleven, call twelve, and I hope the thirteen haunt you
And my smoke, you do not want it, all my lines are dope like Hunter
Rocky, I’m Apollo Creed’s, only legacy, of the rap scene
It’s the Marine, artillery, shot more arms than a vaccine
Ain’t doing Nathan for the human races
You just ruin things and you the biggest racist
You the biggest liar, but you ain’t on fire
Like you Will Ferrell out at Talladega, let’s go!
Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go Brandon, ayy
Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go Brandon, ayy
Uh, ayy
America don’t care about you, Joe (We need some milk)
I thought that you should know (Let’s go)
Got us rollin’ back the curtains on the stage, you done set (Uh huh)
Treat you more Alec Baldwin since bein’ a prop is now a threat
Ooh (Ooh)
Most popular president in U.S. history (What?)
How they calculated that still remains a mystery (Yeah)
Economy isn’t great (Yeah), containers stuck at bay (Yeah)
And you have no current plan for the caravan on its way (Sheesh)
Talkin’ “Build Back Better” (Really?), more like build back broke (Yeah)
Gas prices so high, it’ll make a dope fiend choke (Ahem)
As a veteran, I try to respect the commander-in-chief (I do)
But if I’m honest, “Let’s go Brandon” brings amazing relief, uh
Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go Brandon, ayy
Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go Brandon, ayy
Candy Says: Velvet Underground (1969)
Candy says I've come to hate my body
And all that it requires in this world
Candy says I'd like to know completely
What others so discretely talk about
I'm gonna watch the blue birds fly over my shoulder
I'm gonna watch them pass me by
Maybe when I'm older
What do you think I'd see
If I could walk away from me
Candy says I hate the quiet places
That cause the smallest taste of what will be
Candy says I hate the big decisions
That cause endless revisions in my mind
I'm gonna watch the blue birds fly over my shoulder
I'm gonna watch them pass me by
Maybe when I'm older
What do you think I'd see
If I could walk away from me
John Lennon: Woman Is The Nigger Of The World (1972)
Woman is the nigger of the world
Yes she is... think about it
Woman is the nigger of the world
Think about it... do something about it
We make her paint her face and dance
If she won't be a slave, we say that she don't love us
If she's real, we say she's trying to be a man
While putting her down we pretend that she's above us
Woman is the nigger of the world... yes she is
If you don't believe me take a look at the one you're with
Woman is the slave of the slaves
Ah yeah... better scream about it
We make her bear and raise our children
And then we leave her flat for being a fat old mother hen
We tell her home is the only place she should be
Then we complain that she's too unworldly to be our friend
Woman is the nigger of the world...yes she is
If you don't believe me take a look at the one you're with
Woman is the slave to the slaves
Yeah (think about it)
We insult her everyday on TV
And wonder why she has no guts or confidence
When she's young we kill her will to be free
While telling her not to be so smart we put her down for being so dumb
Woman is the nigger of the world... yes she is
If you don't believe me take a look at the one you're with
Woman is the slave to the slaves
Yes she is... if you believe me, you better scream about it
[Repeat:]
We make her paint her face and dance
We make her paint her face and dance
We make her paint her face and dance