Thinking depressed thoughts today, and wondering why...

No particular reason relative to today's events or anything (other than the hours-long headache-inducing leaf-blowing guys around my apartment complex). But for some reason, today's perfectly normal day led me to thoughts of past rejections. 

I kept thinking of one teacher during my Senior year of high school. I was always in advanced English classes, and she taught basic English classes. But when I was the only student in the school to advance in statewide UIL (University Interscholastic League) competition for journalism, she was the sponsor for that group, and she and I had to travel together for the 3 hours from Azle in North Texas to Austin. And then we had to spend the night together in a hotel room in Austin. I don't remember her speaking one word to me. Not ONE WORD. (I'm sure there must have been a couple of pleasantries exchanged---how do you travel for 3 hours and then spend the night with someone without ANYTHING??)

I still to this day don't know why this adult refused to speak to me, a 17-year-old high-school kid. And a scholastically advanced kid representing the school, on their mutual way to a school event. You'd think the teacher might have had a few words of encouragement, some pleasantries, small talk, ANYTHING.

The above was probably the most bizarre thing I ever experienced from a teacher. And in a very personal way: travelling together, sleeping in the same room together. If I was too shy a teen to start a conversation, she was the adult---she could not have been pleasant during this whole thing?

One other thing that really bothered me during my senior year of high school was something that only affected me in a general way: A Language Arts teacher made a big point of having a big party after graduation----but only for certain students: Football players, cheerleaders, others that she deemed "worthy." I was in her Language Arts class during my Senior year (an utterly dumbed-down elective class), and I was the Editor of the school paper, but I was not invited to her "big party." I didn't like her that much, so I didn't particularly care, but it's the IDEA of the thing: Not just for me, but for many other students who were not either football players or cheerleaders: How obnoxious to publicize the "big party" you're giving after graduation for only SOME students. Did you do this to make yourself feel good somehow? You're associating yourself only with "the winners" of the class? What about the nerdy academic winners? Were you trying to re-live a youthful wish by only surrounding yourself with football players and cheerleaders?

 

It's not cool that these teachers got to act like this.
Nowadays, teachers are drilled in DEI propaganda. But that has nothing to do with treating students of all races/walks of life in a decent way.
 

My 6th-grade experience: White teacher, white me. New student, just moved to town. Clothes had not yet arrived, so had to wear the same thing for 5 days straight. Teacher treated me like shit, yelling at me to SIT DOWN, etc. But, oh, whoops! A couple of weeks later (after my clothes had arrived), I won the 6th-grade spelling bee! All of a sudden, I was Teacher's Pet! 

 

This same exact scenario played out @20 years later in grad school in San Francisco in their writing program: My stated likes (Norman Mailer) and writing were mocked until I told my profs I was gay---from then on, I was a pet and my writing was much-admired.

In my experience, so many people are either stupid or corrupt. And no one ever calls them on it.