Charlie Chaplin's Autobiography

I'm only about 1/6 of the way through, but the whole thing so far is very well-written. Here's an example, from when Chaplin and his mother and brother lived with a rich lady/husband (and their disagreeable daughter) for one summer:

One afternoon, while on the top floor watching Mr. Taylor at work, I heard an altercation below between Mother and Miss Taylor. ...
As I reached our landing, Mother was leaning over the banisters: "Who do you think you are? Lady Shit?"
"Oh!" shouted the daughter, "That's nice language coming from a Christian!"
"Don't worry," said Mother quickly, "It's in the Bible... Deuteronomy, 28th chapter, 37th verse, only there's another word for it. However, 'shit' will suit you."
After that, we moved back to Pownall Terrace.

p.s. I looked up that particular Deuteronomy verse:
And thou shalt become an astonishment, a proverb, and a byword, among all nations whither the LORD shall lead thee.

Not Heard

Post-Covid, I've been working from home for 5 years now, since 2020.

While the lifestyle is easy (no traffic, no makeup, only crawling from couch/bed to computer necessary each morning), it's also very isolating if you live alone, like I do. 

When I started at this job in 2020, the boss held meet-ups every 6 months or so. Local bars; or at his house; or, once, a place his inlaws owned way out in the hills of Austin.

This boss left the job in early 2023 when we changed contracts. The new boss isn't really a "people person," and we've had only one meet-up since then, back in Fall of 2023.

A long-time employee is retiring---I THOUGHT on the last day of April. And I asked the new boss if we were holding a farewell gathering for her, etc. The first time Austin employees have met up since October 2023.

(In the meantime: Last month I planned a trip to San Francisco for the weekend of May 9 thru 11---the first vacation I've taken since 2010!)

As it turned out, the retiree's last day is Friday, May 9. And that is when the meet-up will be. Sigh. Still no chance to connect with my co-workers in a casual setting.

I wrote an e-mail to my boss: (1) Sorry I would miss the meet-up---I've felt pretty isolated from my co-workers, and was looking forward to getting together after a year-and-a-half. Maybe in the future, we all can get together once or twice a year? (2) Already had the mini-vacation to San Fran planned (seeing a Joan Crawford play, visiting my old apartment); didn't know that this exact Friday would be the day that this person left. (3) What should we get the retiree as a going-away gift? She HATES Musk and Trump, so how about a Hot-Wheels Tesla car as a joke gift---ha-ha!

I got a one-line mail response: "Have fun in San Francisco!"

SIGH. I didn't send the e-mail to get congrats on a brief weekend trip. Rather, I expressed regret that I would miss this meet-up, and wished we would all meet up more often, because I was feeling very isolated from all of my co-workers. And would the joke gift be funny or not?

Got a generic response, saying nothing.

It's like I don't exist at all with these people. Like with my own family! Ha! And also NOT "Ha." Sometimes it's incredibly depressing. When all you get is a very generic response for anything you say... That said, though: Decades ago, I remember reading a study of suicides. One person wrote (before he killed himself): "If one person smiles at me today, I will live." Apparently, no one did. This guy in the suicide study DID kill himself.

I'm not THAT fragile, but... Being by myself, the reactions of other random people do matter moreso than they would if I had a large group of family and friends, etc. For instance: I am always very grateful for the very friendly guy at the sandwich shop, who has a great personality. The people at the post office are also all very friendly. The USPS guys/gals are also very nice. It makes a big difference.

DFW Driving Tour: Azle to Springtown (Where I grew up!)

p.s. Most of those stupid, ugly McMansions at the right in parts of the vid 

were not there when I was there! 

The scruffy land and trees and wide, blue sky and metal storage buildings are the real part. 

The land with my own house had a pond, with gullies that led to it. 

And the area itself was wooded and so wild that I and the neighbor kids could follow deer tracks when it snowed. We also all spent hours following a creek to its very roots---

discovering where it actually emerged out of the ground!

 

Sorry to interrupt my own pastoral setting with some facts, but:
Given the recent concern with Polar Bears in left-wing circles:

A few years ago, I took the time to read up on Polar Bears. 

They were once simple Brown Bears that migrated north, 

according to the climate of that time, thousands of years ago.
Eventually, they changed color and adapted to polar regions.
If the climate grows warmer, then they will go back to being Brown Bears.

Stop freaking out. 

AND: No one unfamiliar with nature 

should be writing or commenting about nature and its cycles.

Bonnie Raitt: Have A Heart (1989)

Remember When (Alan Jackson): A Loving Tribute to Tammy Wynette And George Jones

I was about to say "I have no roots."
I may not have a mother or father who LOVE me
---but those are just minor things in the grand scheme of things.

And I may not think Austin is the right place for me, 

but I actually DO have deep German and East Texas roots.

I am not my parents: I am not how my parents did not love me.
I KNOW THAT I AM A PART OF SOMETHING.

What's funny:
Being so alone, you'd think that I'd just be cremated and have my ashes dumped somewhere.
But now that I'm getting older and contemplating death constantly,
(and having nothing particularly better to do with my money),
I might just buy a plot for myself somewhere! In fact, I think I'll do just that!
WHERE, though?
Back in 1982, when I first learned to drive, I used to drive everywhere I could out in the country.
I once accidentally came across an old, tiny graveyard a few miles from Briar,
with only a few grave-stones. I spent maybe a half-hour there, paying my respects.
Maybe THERE is where I should be buried.
(Although developers have probably already torn up that land.)

I keep trying BBC and PBS...

I really do. I'm a news junkie, and I grew up with PBS and trying to find BBC outlets...

Now, though: I have millions of cable stations, so accessing BBC is not a problem. (PBS was always there.)

The problem now is that whenever I turn on one of these stations, there's an overt Marxist narrative. 

Just last night (4/24/25) on PBS: The anchor and interviewee were glorifying an illegal gang member who had been rightfully kicked out of the US.
Just last night (4/24/25) on BBC: The anchor and interviewee were glorifying both an illegal gang member kicked out of the US, AND saluting the Marxist US judges that were allowing these creeps to stay in the US.
On neither PBS nor BBC were there any opposing views presented in either segment.
You're not journalists if you don't present the opposing view.

Trump to Cut Funding to NPR

Thank you, President Trump! Every time I listen to NPR on my car radio, they're telling me that illegals and violent criminals are great. Oh, and that polar bears can't survive this so-called massive "climate change." (Upon only a little research on my own, I found out: Today's Polar Bears were once simple Brown Bears that migrated north. They'll be OK; in fact, they'll be much happier once they have more prey that's migrating north with the warming of temperatures.)

No more US government funding for Marxist orgs.

https://www.npr.org/2025/04/15/nx-s1-5352827/npr-pbs-public-media-trump-rescission-funding

The Trump administration has drafted a memo to Congress outlining its intent to end nearly all federal funding for public media, which includes NPR and PBS, according to a White House official who spoke to NPR.

The memo, which the administration plans to send to Congress when it reconvenes from recess on April 28, will open a 45-day window in which the House and Senate can either approve the rescission or allow the money to be restored.

The official, who spoke to NPR on condition of anonymity, confirmed the existence of the draft.

In a statement on Monday that did not refer to the memo, the White House said: "For years, American taxpayers have been on the hook for subsidizing National Public Radio (NPR) and the Public Broadcasting Service (PBS), which spread radical, woke propaganda disguised as 'news.'" The statement includes examples of what the White House said is "trash that passes as 'news'" and "intolerance of non-leftist viewpoints."

NPR produces the award-winning news programs Morning Edition and All Things Considered, while PBS is best known for its nightly PBS News Hour and its high-quality children's programming, such as Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood.

This month, on social media platforms, President Trump blasted the two primary public broadcasting networks, posting in all caps: "REPUBLICANS MUST DEFUND AND TOTALLY DISASSOCIATE THEMSELVES FROM NPR & PBS, THE RADICAL LEFT 'MONSTERS' THAT SO BADLY HURT OUR COUNTRY!"

Trump is expected to propose rescinding $1.1 billion — two years' worth of funding for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting (CPB), a congressionally chartered independent nonprofit organization that in turn partially funds NPR and PBS.

In making the move, the president appears to be drawing impetus from a House Oversight and Government Reform subcommittee hearing in late March. The panel called NPR's and PBS' chiefs to testify, alleging the networks' news coverage is biased against conservatives.

In a statement, NPR said: "Eliminating funding for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting would have a devastating impact on American communities across the nation that rely on public radio for trusted local and national news, culture, lifesaving emergency alerts, and public safety information."

"We serve the public interest. It's not just in our name — it's our mission. Across the country, locally owned public media stations represent a proud American tradition of public-private partnership for our shared common good," it said.

Paula Kerger, PBS' CEO and president, said the Trump administration's effort to rescind funding for public media would "disrupt the essential service PBS and local member stations provide to the American people."

"There's nothing more American than PBS, and our work is only possible because of the bipartisan support we have always received from Congress," she said. "This public-private partnership allows us to help prepare millions of children for success in school and in life and also supports enriching and inspiring programs of the highest quality."

Accusations of political bias

At the hearing, the public broadcasting heads spoke of their mission to provide free, nonpartisan news and programming to all Americans.

Some Republican lawmakers, however, vented about what they saw as biased reporting. "You can hate us all on your own dime," said Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, the chair of the subcommittee that held the hearing. House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer, R-Ky., complained about NPR's coverage of how he structured his investments with a shell company.

Republicans assailed NPR chief Katherine Maher for political messages she'd posted to social media long before she became the network's CEO and president in March 2024. Their questioning also focused largely on stories published before her arrival at NPR.

They queried PBS' Paula Kerger about a video involving a performer in drag singing a variation on a children's song for a young audience. (Kerger testified that the video was posted on the website of PBS' New York City member station and never aired on television.)

Both PBS and NPR provide locally grounded content and reach more than 99% of the population, at no cost to viewers and listeners. In many states and communities, the stations serve as a key component of emergency and disaster response systems.

Congress allocated $535 million for the CPB for the current fiscal year — an amount affirmed in a recent stopgap bill passed by the Republican-controlled U.S. House and Senate. The CPB's budgets are approved by Congress on a two-year cycle in large part to insulate it from political pressures; Congress has appropriated funds through Sept. 30, 2027.

Where public broadcasting's money comes from

NPR receives about 1% of its funding directly from the federal government, and a bit more indirectly; its 246 member institutions, operating more than 1,300 stations, receive on average 8% to 10% of their funds from CPB. In turn, they pay NPR to air its national shows. By contrast, PBS and its stations receive about 15% of their revenues from CPB.

The bulk of CPB funding goes to local stations — mostly to subsidize television, which is more expensive than radio.

Stripping away such financial support would wipe out smaller stations, the public broadcasting chiefs testified, especially in rural regions and other areas ill-served by corporate-owned media. It would also weaken the broader public media system. Alaska Public Media's chief executive testified that the funding was vital to his state network and to ensuring his reporters' stories found a broader audience.

"Without PBS, without NPR, you wouldn't hear stories — news stories, public affairs stories, community stories — from Alaska," Alaska Public Media CEO and President Ed Ulman said. "You wouldn't see them on the PBS News Hour. This is vital. It's vital for Alaskans to know that they're connected to their nation and that what we do in Alaska matters to our nation."

A recent Pew Research Center poll found that 43% of U.S. adults surveyed favored continued federal support for NPR and PBS, with 24% saying it should be cut. However, by political affiliation, the results were starker, with 44% of Republicans favoring an end to federal funding of the public broadcasters, while 69% of Democrats said it should continue.

Trump administration launches attacks on media outlets

Over its five and a half decades of existence, public broadcasting has mostly enjoyed bipartisan support, allowing it to survive periodic conservative pushes to strip the system of taxpayer dollars.

But recently, Brendan Carr, Trump's pick to lead the Federal Communications Commission (FCC), launched an investigation of NPR and PBS, saying it appears that their corporate underwriting spots violate laws banning commercial advertisements.

The networks say the agency and Congress have encouraged them repeatedly to develop a greater share of private financial support. They have worked assiduously for years with the FCC to ensure that their spots fall within FCC guidelines. Other news organizations supported by the U.S. government have also moved into the crosshairs in the early months of the Trump administration.

In New York, a judge has placed a temporary restraining order on presidential adviser Kari Lake's attempt to shut down the federally owned Voice of America. In Washington, D.C., another judge ruled that the government had to keep sending funds that Congress already had committed to Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty.

Those lawsuits — and others — argue that Trump has far exceeded the expansive powers of the presidency, usurping congressional prerogatives, trampling on due process and eroding free speech rights.

Even so, the White House has succeeded in previously unimaginable ways; representatives of Trump's budget-slashing DOGE initiative, aided by Washington, D.C., police officers, forced their way into the U.S. Institute of Peace (USIP) so that the administration could take it over. USIP, while funded by Congress, is an independent nonprofit like CPB.

Fired USIP employees are now suing the Trump administration. Justice Department attorney Brian Hudak has said in court that plans already are underway to lease the USIP headquarters to the Labor Department. The judge overseeing the case has, to date, declined to issue a temporary restraining order to stop the transfer of assets to the government, although she said the administration has adopted a "bull in a china shop" approach.

Lake, who is also overseeing the effort to dismantle other federally funded international broadcasters, echoed Trump's remarks on NPR and PBS. "Defund ALL Fake News and Turn them Off," she tweeted, pointing to the hearing in late March as more grist.

Disclosure: This story was reported and written by NPR correspondents David Folkenflik and Scott Neuman. It was edited by deputy business editor Emily Kopp and Managing Editors Gerry Holmes and Vickie Walton-James. Under NPR's protocol for reporting on itself, no NPR corporate official or news executive reviewed this story before it was posted publicly.

Pope Francis Legacy

I'm not a Catholic, but I do recognize historical changes in the Catholic Church.

Pope Francis dumbed-down Catholic theology, embracing the Marxist concept of open borders, and the modern-day acceptance of gays----I'm gay myself, but even I recognize that "gay" is an aberration. Don't prosecute us, but, also, don't hold us up as any sort of example to be followed. We're not.

If there is to be a Catholic Church, then it needs to have core beliefs, based on 2000+ years of historical and theological principles. Not on modern-day "feelings."

Hopefully the next Pope will be more atuned to the actual history of the Catholic Church itself.
Francis was a left-wing, Communist, radical---hopefully an anomaly.

Did Jesus ever act like a dick?

Surely he must have at some points. Can any person really be kindly 100% of the time?

In my own life, I have actually come across several people who seemed kindly on a regular basis, regardless of any shit that came their way:

Lisa C. (in high school)
Andrea A. (in high school)
Tena N. (my boss at the UT Austin library)
Pat (my boss at the San Francisco State library)

And then my friend Brian was close, though he had a few minor bitchy niggles in there...

When you meet someone who is actually internally GOOD, you know it, and you're grateful for that person. They are very rare.

Charlie Chaplin Box Sets

I have never been a fan of silent movies. I understand their importance to the beginning of films, etc., but I almost always find them dull as hell. And, just looking at Charlie Chaplin's "Little Tramp," I don't find that persona particularly charming.

YES! I do try to put myself in the mind-set of early film-goers---how amazing this all is! But I'm not a 10-year-old kid. By 1928 or so, things had advanced psychologically 100-fold.

But, being historically/intellectually interested, I just bought two Charlie Chaplin box sets. His First National and United Artists pictures. So far, I've watched only the shorts from the first disc: A Dog's Life, Shoulder Arms, Sunnyside, A Day's Pleasure, The Pilgrim. (And the DVD add-ons.)

"A Dog's Life" (1918) was actually clever most of the time! There are too many funny things to list here, and Edna Purviance was notably pretty. I can see why this is often cited as a highlight of Chaplin's early career.
"Shoulder Arms" (1918) was only clever about half (or less of) the time.
"The Pilgrim" (1923)---Sorry, but I could not get over that hideously bad "the moo and rattle of the snakes and the cattle" song written by Chaplin that went on and on and on and on...

Easter Sunday The Resurrection of the Lord - Mass with Fr. Mike Schmitz

If you're searching for something, as I am, then this is certainly NOT it.
I came across the above video by accident while searching on YouTube 

for some profound info on the Ascension.
To me, this is the ultimate in shallowness and NON-spirituality.
For one thing, the guy seems amped up on drugs: Adderall, uppers, coke---

I have no idea what it is, but his delivery is not normal.
And his haircut is way too trendy.

(Overall: When I'm trying to think about God, I don't want your overt gayness 

and overt drug use and overt haircut interfering with my spiritual search. 

I can see this sort of way-too-spastic thing in my everyday life and while watching TV.)

TOP 20 Yoko Ono Quotes

That mean nothing.
She knows nothing about peace, knows nothing about art.
I've never heard her say one actually meaningful thing.
She was granted "meaning" by the rock press in 1969 after she hooked up with John Lennon.
Vapid platitudes don't mean anything.
Did having a bra cut off of you in a Fluxus show in NYC
make you somehow "profound"?  NO.
Did marrying a massively famous and rich man make you somehow "profound"? NO.
Did marrying a massively insecure man and introducing him to heroin 

make you somehow "profound"?  NO.
She turned a creative, edgy Liverpudlian rock-n-roller

 into a wimpy leftist spouting Marxist platitudes. For shame.

Dammit, Jesus!

I woke up bright and early this Sunday morning, ready to go forth and re-stock my fridge... Only to find, once I got to my local HEB grocery store, that it was closed, as it is only two days out of the year: Christmas and Easter (the owners are Christian).

I wasn't even irritated. The older I get, the more I appreciate tradition, and I think it's great that this store is sticking by its beliefs. So I drove home and used my morning energy to do some laundry instead.

BUT: Thinking about Jesus's so-called resurrection, I still felt the need to go look up where "Christmas" and "Easter" came from.

First of all: 3 days after the crucifixion of Jesus, Mary, Mary, and Salome went to visit the tomb and found his body missing. Look, someone probably stole the body. I don't think, as the women reported, that any angel appeared to them and said "he is risen." I'm a woman, and a feminist, but...they were probably all being hysterical. (Look at how radical people act today---everyone tries to promote their own narrative, regardless of actual truth. There are rational people, and there are hysterical people.)

RE Christmas (historycooperative.org/pagan-origins-of-christmas):

In the first few centuries of Christianity, the Christians wanted to spread their religion around Europe. But they knew that it would be difficult for ordinary people to completely divorce themselves from everything they had always known. This included the celebrations for the winter solstice. They had to give the people something that was familiar and known. Given that Jesus was born around the same time, it was easy enough to incorporate existing traditions into the celebration of the birth of Jesus.

The people of ancient Rome celebrated the winter solstice with the festival of Saturnalia. It was meant as a way to celebrate and give thanks to the Roman god of agriculture, Saturn. By the time the winter solstice came out, the last planting season had been completed. Thus, the ancient Romans could then happily engage in an entire week of festivities. The Saturnalia festival was usually celebrated between 17th December and 24th December. Even now, Christmas is not really a celebration of one day. It is called the Christmas season and festivities start well in advance of 25th December. In the Saturnalia festival, 25th December was considered the climax and had a special name – Brumalia.

Other than Saturnalia, one of the festivals that had a huge influence on Christmas was Yule. Celebrated largely by the Norse people in northern Europe, many of the old Yule traditions have become Christmas traditions today. The celebrations lasted for 12 days and huge bonfires were lit. Feasting and drinking were a big part of the celebrations. The night before Yule was called Mother’s Night. The Yule tree was decorated around the time of the winter solstice and the Yule log would be lit so that families could feast and be merry by the fire all night. The Yule ham was a huge aspect of this celebration since the boar was sacred to the pagan god Freyr. The Christians have appropriated many of these traditions to celebrate Christmas.

Another important pagan holiday during the winter solstice was the birthday of the Greek god Dionysus. The Greek god of wine was celebrated with wild revelry, feasts, drunkenness, and merrymaking over 12 days. His birthday was supposed to be on 25th December. The festival was called Bacchanalia and was one marked by wildness and excess. In Finland, the sun goddess Beiwe was celebrated during this time. She was said to ride on a sleigh made of reindeer bones and pulled by a white reindeer.

RE Easter (christianity.com):

The celebration of Easter does have some connections to pre-Christian, pagan traditions, particularly in the symbolism associated with spring and fertility. The timing of Easter, for example, coincides with the arrival of spring in the Northern Hemisphere. Many ancient cultures celebrated the arrival of spring as a time of renewal, growth, and fertility.

One notable pagan festival that shares some similarities with Easter is the festival of Eostre or Ostara. Eostre was a pagan goddess associated with spring and fertility, and her festival was celebrated around the vernal equinox. Some scholars suggest that the name "Easter" may have been derived from Eostre. (Editorial note: Ya think?)

Additionally, certain symbols and customs associated with Easter, such as eggs and rabbits, have roots in pagan traditions. Eggs, for example, were often used as symbols of fertility and rebirth in various ancient cultures.

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All of the above ancient beliefs DO take away from the idea that Christianity is the ultimate in Truth. Most likely, the then-newly-in-power Christians borrowed heavily from previous pagan beliefs in order to gain popularity with the public.

But what remains: The core beliefs. The worship/respect of what we have: Sun and seasons and fertility. And the Ultimate Question of where we came from. (Quite a big difference between Neanderthals and the leap to the more advanced.)

You can change the face and rituals of this, but the core belief remains. (A side note: Today, many leftists/elitists/academics have been trying to divorce biology from reality, whether the issue is transgender people or climate change: Communist politics sans biological truth will NEVER take hold. Most people, whatever their education level, know better on an innate, profound level.)

Paul McCartney - My Brave Face (Live in Rio 1990)

Live And Let Die - Paul McCartney & Wings (1973)

Paul McCartney: Maybe I’m Amazed (1970)

The Beatles: Two of Us (Lennon is a jerk.)

Listening to the "Let It Be" album,
I used to think this was a cool jam among the band members, esp John and Paul.
Nah: John is idiotically sitting apart with his girlfriend, not even on the same stage.
The camera has to cut between John and the rest of the band.
Fuck you, John Lennon (and your pink lipstick). 

Congrats on your two-year post-Beatles run from 1970 to 1971.
Post '71? Nothing.
I feel bad for Paul here, having to put up with your bullshit.
(p.s. You stand up, too, George, you lazy git! 

And get yer hair out of yer face. Enough John-inspired BS.)

A few good things about getting old:

I'm about to hit 60, and one thing is for sure: Things have pretty much worked themselves out! 

Everyone I was yearning for or wondering about over the past 40 years has, thanks to the Internet, been revealed! Either they've died, or become a used-car sales-person, or an office-lady, or the wife of a beer brewer. 

The one "powerful man" I slept with for about 8 months back in the early '90s is now an 80-something retiree. His wife often posts Internet photos re their anniversaries. 

He used to look like Elvis. Even when he was 50-something. Beautiful lips and nose, and bright eyes. You can see from the below picture that he still is bright-eyed! :)

He once told me, "I don't love my wife." He also once tried to get me to check in to the hotel he was staying in for a State event in Austin, while his wife was in a room on another floor. I drew the line at that. I also once drove the 200 miles from Austin to San Angelo to be with him overnight. His wife called in the morning while he was in the shower: I was cool---did not pick up the phone.

One time on Tax Day, I made him a couple of tuna-fish sandwiches and sat with him for hours while he did his taxes.

My fellow Leo, Brian---with whom I attended a poetry-writing class at UT-Austin and then was neighbors with and then co-edited a lowly lit magazine with, and attended bi-weekly writers' meetings with in the early '90s in Austin---is now a nationally renowned magazine editor! 

This guy is a saint, and his wife is very lucky! There are very few people who are just NICE, and he was! We came from the same part of Texas and had the same birthday. Never any sexual relationship, but always a close intellectual relationship. In fact, he wrote a recommendation for me to get into grad school---though he had absolutely no qualifications to do so! I also feel bad to this day for his throwing a party for me once I got home from graduate school in San Francisco: Since he didn't allow smoking in his apartment, I spent the whole time out on the balcony (though in my defense, I didn't know most of the people he'd invited to MY party). Brian was also very kind to me in another respect: He recommended me for/got me a job when I desperately needed one after I got home from grad school in San Francisco, when I was floundering. 

I also feel badly for not being able to write a poem for his wedding, which he asked me to do: I did not have a feeling for the relationship... I wasn't envious of his bride, but I just did not know her, nor did I have a sense of their relations. Again, I feel I failed him. He'd done so much for me, but I could not write a damn wedding poem... I'm sorry, Brian.

And I must add a final thing about both growing old and about Brian:
I will always remember when a friend and I were walking along Town Lake one day. All of a sudden, a young man came tumbling down the hill above, with a "Whoahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" He arrived at our feet---it was Brian! :)

President Reagan at the Berlin Wall: "Mr. Gorbachev, Tear Down This Wall"

Reagan speaking 6/12/87.  The Berlin Wall fell on 11/9/89.

Trump/China same as Reagan/Russia

What Trump's doing right now with China is exactly what Reagan did in the '80s with Russia: Calling their bluffs.
In the '80s, Reagan intentionally ramped up defense spending (to bankrupt Russia), and Russia was forced to do the same---only we could afford it, and they could not. In 1989, the Soviet Union fell.
Today, Trump is calling out China for the trade imbalance between our countries. Why, for instance, are we being taxed at a much higher rate for our goods entering China than we're charging for Chinese goods entering America? China refuses to correct this imbalance. But the US GDP is still twice that of China's. So, yes, we have the power here, at this very moment, before the tipping point.
We have the right President at the right time to stop China before it goes one step further. With their intellectual property theft, their military aggression (paid for by our allowing them into the WTO), their being allowed by liberal US Democrats to actually buy land in the US! NO MORE!

Stop it all right now, and relegate China back to its initial, pre-WTO peasant state. (p.s. Current Chinese executives are protesting about being called "peasants." You WERE peasants until Bill Clinton allowed you into the WTO. We allowed you in, and we can take you out. You abused our generosity.)

Corn Plant April 10 to April 16: I nearly killed it.

My corn plant was looking sad in my front window, sans much light aside from fake lights, so I thought I'd put it out in my backyard, for some real light and fresh air.

I first put it in the shade underneath my eaves. It got blown over in the wind.
I then wedged the pot between other plant racks, to keep it from tipping over. It still tipped over. I tied the plant itself to the fence, and put big rocks in the planter and against the planter, to keep it from tipping over.
It stopped tipping over, but then the sunlight started burning the leaves. It's only April in Austin, but it's gotten up to 90 degrees for the past few weeks. April 10, I brought the plant inside again---see the picture: It's still green. But it looked horrible in my kitchen and took up too much space, so I moved it back outside. In the next week, it got scorched and blown about by winds so much that I brought it back in again and put it back in its original place at my front window----In only 1 week, look at the horrible results!
And everything was so bright and shiny to begin with!
Yes, I apologized---profusely---to the plant for the past few weeks of experimentation!

Baby at front window: Circa 2020

2023 bloom

April 10, 2025 (after being moved from front window to back).

April 16, 2025---only 6 days later (after being outdoors for 6 days).

Forgive me, corn plant. Let's try to get back to normal. No more outdoors.

 

Helter Skelter (1968: White Album, Paul McCartney)

Happiness Is a Warm Gun (1968: White Album, John Lennon)

Again: 15-year-old me: This song was what I imagined "sexual" and "intense" to be:

 

She's not a girl who misses much
Do do do do do do do do, oh yeah
She's well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand
Like a lizard on a window pane
The man in the crowd with the multicoloured mirrors
On his hobnail boots
Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy
Working overtime
A soap impression of his wife which he ate
And donated to the National Trust

I need a fix 'cause I'm going down
Down to the bits that I left uptown
I need a fix 'cause I'm going down

Mother Superior jump the gun...

Happiness is a warm gun (bang, bang, shoot, shoot)
Happiness is a warm gun, mama (bang, bang, shoot, shoot)
When I hold you in my arms (oh yeah)
And I feel my finger on your trigger (oh yeah)
I know nobody can do me no harm (oh yeah)

Happiness is a warm gun...

I'm So Tired (1968: White Album, John Lennon)

I first discovered this song and this whole album around 1980, when I was 15.
This remains one of my favorite songs today: 

Utter emotional honesty in a pop song that had never been expressed publicly before.
Lennon spoke to my barren teenaged soul and to my future emotional beggings.

 

I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink
No, no, no

I'm so tired I don't know what to do
I'm so tired my mind is set on you
I wonder should I call you but I know what you would do

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
For a little peace of mind

I'm so tired, I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired I'll have another cigarette
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh
He was such a stupid git

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
For a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got
For a little peace of mind...

(Monsieur, Monsieur, Monsieur, how about another one?)

The Continuing Story Of Bungalow Bill (1968: White Album, John Lennon)

Since Manson and followers had been listening to this album for months:
Then why didn't they pick up on the irony of THIS?
Could it be that Manson was a degenerate low-life, 

and that his smarter female followers were too weak to contradict him?
Manson IS "Bungalow Bill" AND his Mommie Issues.
And Captain Marvel = Vincent Bugliosi and the US justice system!

Hey, Bungalow Bill
What did you kill, Bungalow Bill?

He went out tiger hunting with his elephant and gun
In case of accidents
He always took his mom
He's the all American, bullet-headed
Saxon mother's son
All the children sing...

Hey, Bungalow Bill
What did you kill, Bungalow Bill?
Hey, Bungalow Bill
What did you kill, Bungalow Bill?

Deep in the jungle, where the mighty tiger lies
Bill and his elephants were taken by surprise
So Captain Marvel zapped him right between the eyes
All the children sing

Hey, Bungalow Bill
What did you kill, Bungalow Bill?
Hey, Bungalow Bill
What did you kill, Bungalow Bill?

The children asked him if to kill was not a sin
"Not when he looked so fierce," his mommy butted in
"If looks could kill, it would have been us instead of him"
All the children sing

Hey, Bungalow Bill
What did you kill, Bungalow Bill?

Piggies (1968: White Album, George Harrison)

"What they need's a damn good whacking..."
Spoken cavalierly by a rock-star millionaire.
And this song directly inspired the Manson violence.

George Harrison was the son of a bus-driver in Liverpool.
So how did the so-called "evil" capitalist system allow George Harrison himself 

to rise to the top based on his talent (or was it John and Paul's talent?) and make millions.

I've listened to the White Album a million times since I was a teen.
This is the ONE SONG that directly encourages murder.
If you're against capitalism, etc., then protest it to your heart's content.
But you don't advocate MURDERING those you disagree with.
Note to all murderer Luigi Mangione supporters.
And to all Trump haters calling him "Hitler" when he's obviously NOT---

had he ever been "Hitler," you wouldn't be around right now.



Have you seen the little piggies crawling in the dirt?
And for all the little piggies, life is getting worse
Always having dirt to play around in

Have you seen the bigger piggies in their starched white shirts?
You will find the bigger piggies stirring up the dirt
Always have clean shirts to play around in

In their sties with all their backing
They don't care what goes on around
In their life, there's something lacking
What they need's a damn good whacking!

Everywhere there's lots of piggies living piggy lives
You can see them out for dinner with their piggy wives
Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon

One more time...

Trying to figure out what people want to buy...

The below lot is known as "Crow Core" or "Witchy Core."
According to sociologists, our eyes are drawn to the voodoo doll at top center because of "anthropomorphism." We humans (and baby monkeys) like anything with eyes/faces,
even when it's not actually our mother!
And the arrangement overall is not totally random.
I want a 6-ft-tall print of this for my living room!

 

What If

I was in love with Ginny in the Spring and Summer of '83. I was invited on a week-long trip with her and her family to Georgia that summer, which sealed my love for her.

Once I went off to college in the Fall of '83, she took an illicit bus trip from the Fort Worth area to Austin to stay with me in my dorm for the weekend. Then called her Daddy to come pick her up on Sunday.

I saw her again that Christmas. (Very awkward.) And then that summer of '84, when I was home after my freshman year of college. She'd met a new "best friend" (Cindy) and we 3 tried to do some things together. Once seeing "The Wall" at a midnight show (Ginny ran out near the end because it was too intense for her, and Cindy ran out after her; I stayed to watch the end of the film---true to what I was watching, not to Ginny, alas; I don't think I would change that today.) Another time, just driving around with some other friends of hers---at one point we came to a stop at a railroad crossing just as a train was passing. There had been no lights or sirens to indicate the coming train. The driver started crying---she'd almost driven across the tracks at that moment.

One other instance during that summer of '84: At one point, I got into a fight with my mom and called Ginny, who now had her own apartment. She "allowed" me to come over. And "allowed" is the right word, because she wasn't very friendly about it. I slept on the couch in the living room, while she slept in her bedroom. She'd set the oven alarm to wake her up for work, and when it went off, and I did not shut it off, she woke up cursing.

I next time I saw Ginny again, in the spring of '86, was when I had my own tiny Austin apartment. She had stolen a mass of tapes from the Fort Worth record store where she worked, and now wanted my help in selling them in Austin. (!) She arrived with her "friend" Cindy. I told her where she might sell the tapes, and we all walked to that local record store. (At one point---and this is something stamped into my memory---the two of them were walking ahead of me chatting happily, with me a few steps behind. They never noticed whether I was there or not. I wish I'd just stopped and turned around.)

She sold the tapes in Austin; and the record store in Fort Worth later busted her for it. Her father paid them off.

Our final communication: In the spring of '87, she called me, saying that she had a heart/lung problem, and that she had been ill for a long time. Could I come out to Georgia to stay with her?

ME: Where's Cindy?

Cindy, apparently, had her own mother to deal with, who was dying of cancer. So Cindy could not be in Georgia with Ginny at that moment.

And I was not going to be a third-wheel to those two any more.

I loved her deeply, but I also knew that Ginny was quite flippant with her own emotions. Even when dying, she brushed off Cindy, who couldn't be there with her, in favor of me! And had I gone out to Georgia, she would have just as easily brushed me off when Cindy was able to arrive.

Ginny died in March of 1988. Cindy was with her. (As I found out from Ginny's father when I called her in November of 1988, not knowing that she'd died. Said her father: "We thought we'd told all of the Azle people.")

That's how important I was to her: Her parents only thought of me as one of "the Azle people." (Had she loved me, she would have made sure her parents notified me of her death.)

And should I have gone out to see her, after she called me in the Spring of '87? If I had truly loved her, wouldn't I have gone? Had she been alone, yes, I would have gone. In a second. But knowing that she was only asking me because Cindy couldn't make it at the time----No way. I don't care about my "love" for her; I was not going to be a backup companion, to be tossed aside as soon as Cindy arrived. (Not "Jesus-like love." But I'm a human, not Jesus.)

Sandra was the second person I was ever in love with, after Ginny. Finding out about Sandra's death last year caused me similar grief, and similar questions. We were constantly in contact (several times a week from 2008 thru 2015). But we could never get along. One of the final straws: Once I was back in Austin from NYC post 2010, our mutual 1980s poetry professor, David Wevill, gave a reading on the UT-Austin campus; Sandra was in town from Houston. We had a petty argument, and she went to the reading with her daughter. Our mutual connection was initially based on the time we spent in classes with Wevill back in the '80s; the fact that he was now giving a reading was an opportunity for Sandra and I to connect in person after our hundreds of phone conversations---but she refused it. Arguing over stupid stuff was one thing, but dismissing this type of iconic event that had connected us was another.

After 2015, Sandra and I barely talked. She called me in 2018 to say she needed a place to stay and was driving from Houston to Austin. (I cleaned my apartment for hours; she never showed up.) She called me in 2020 to say she'd had a stroke. She could barely communicate. But that actually wasn't much different from how she'd not communicated with me before. Soon, I was blocked from her e-mail. But that had happened before. I didn't understand or recognize that this time it was because she was being institutionalized, and all her Internet communications were being taken away from her.

After doing a random Internet search out of curiosity in May 2024, I found out that she'd died in February 2024. I loved her, but had never trusted her emotionally, and we'd been at odds for years.

I have been charmed by a few people in my life. As a young person, I considered my own "being charmed" as being "in love." Perhaps that kind of thing was, indeed, being "in love." But it's not love, or loving. Sad to say, there has been nothing deeply reciprocal about any of my so-called "relationships."

ABBA: I Still Have Faith In You (2021)

I haven't paid attention to ABBA at all for dozens of years.
Other than often listening to their Greatest Hits CD.
I didn't realize that they'd released a new album, "Voyage," in 2021.
This song is the first single from it.
I don't think it's very good as a song.
I like watching the home-pictures. And it's good as nostalgia.
But not that good of a song. (And I despise the avatars at the end.)

Paul McCartney: The Pound Is Sinking (1982)

Given the tariff dramas of the moment, this song seems apropos.
But there are 3 different things going on here!
This song is brilliant: Musically and lyrically. And then also
sociologically, personally (first judging, then asking for forgiveness/forgiving).



The pound is sinking, the peso's falling
The lira's reeling and feeling quite appalling

The mark is holding, the franc is fading
The drachma's very weak, but everyone's still trading
The market's bottom has fallen right out
And only the strong are survivors

Well, I fear, my dear, that it's eminently clear
That you can't see the trees for the forest
Your father was an extraordinary man
But you don't seem to have inherited many of his mannerisms
Oh, any of his mannerisms

The dollar's moving, the ruble's rising
The yen is keeping up, which hardly seems surprising
The market's bottom has fallen right out
And only the stout are survivors

Hear me, my lover
I can't be held responsible now (Oh no, it wasn't me)
For something that didn't happen (I didn't do it anyway)
I knew you for a minute
Oh, it didn't happen only for a minute
Your heart just wasn't in it anymore

The pound is sinking...

ABBA Swedish Royal Vasa Order (2024)

Below: ABBA's Bjorn Ulvaeus, Anni-Frid Lyngstad, Agnetha Faltskog and Benny Andersson after receiving the Royal Vasa Order from Sweden's King and Queen during a ceremony at Stockholm Royal Palace on May 31, 2024 for outstanding contributions to Swedish and international music life.

Big Ass Plant

I bought this youngster corn plant about 5 years ago. It was about 2-ft tall then,
and now it's grown into a huge BIG ASS HAM (see "David Letterman" for the ref)!
I used to have it in my front window, but thought it wasn't getting enough light, 

plus it was an unsightly blockage---the first thing you saw when entering my apartment.
So I thought it might be better outdoors, on my patio...
Nope---The wind knocked it over. I propped it up, and the wind knocked it over again.
So now I'm trying it inside at my back sliding-glass-door window.
It's fuckin' HUGE! It wants to live! 

(Sorry I even put you outside in those winds, BAH! But what the hell to do with you!)

Looking at that tiny pot: I guess it's time to re-pot you!
(Plus, when you guys first got delivered to me, there was a 2nd corn plant included,
which is still stuck in the same pot with you...
Put BAH in a bigger pot. Let Little BAH grow in her own pot...)

Update 4/10/25: I moved it back outside and propped it up. This plant HATES being outside. The leaves are withering and turning brown. It's only 85 degrees in springtime Austin, but this plant hates it. It hates the sun. But I have no room for you inside!! Gawd, the guilt!

 

Time to Go To Bed?

When I had my first apartment of my own, and my first full-time job that I had to get up for, I made a very strict rule for myself: Despite my big box o' wine in the fridge, I had to stop drinking at exactly 10pm. And I did!

The above was about 1987, in my early 20s, a full-time summer job only. After that, there were all sorts of random variations, and various responsibilities, not all relying on my being particularly alert. The next time I felt that I should actually stop drinking and go to bed at a certain time: 2014. And then, my time was midnight. I also did that for a while!

Today, in 2025: I'm pretty much blase about it. I know that I'd feel much better the next day if I went to bed by 12, but... Nothing I have to do the next day means much! Nobody really notices if I edit superbly, or don't edit at all.

On the one hand, I still wish I had a demanding job that I could look forward to every day! 

On the other: Eh, I'm getting older, and I'm bored with putting on an act. In my experience: Mediocre workers who suck up to the boss and pose get the promotions, etc. I've always done an excellent job, but, proud to say, I've never sucked up to anyone.

In my current job: The boss doesn't give a shit. She doesn't know most of what she's in charge of, and she doesn't care. OK, whatever. I'm not the gung-ho Young Turk that I used to be. I'm old and just waiting out the next 10 years of my employment. (I'm still argumentative when it comes to logic---so, Dear God, let me shut up when it comes to my current boss!)

In my early years, I used to have some innate self-discipline. Today, I guess I'm basing my actions purely on the situation. I've devolved! :)

1966 in MOVIES: The Rolling Stones "Out Of Time"

I love this song. 

I love the pathos of its association with Sharon Tate in "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood."
I also love the look of the year. And how the girls look and dance.

 (Cyd Charisse, and Jill St. John with Batman!)
I like that there were still semi-moral tough guys on film in Westerns.

I think post-1967 things went all to hell, and they have yet to recover.

 

ABBA: Super Trouper (LIVE in Stockholm, 1981)

Someone on another site said about this video (paraphrased):
"No dancers, no tattoos, just a good song and two pretty women singing..."

As a teen upon first hearing: I loved the tune, and the "Soo-pah-pah/Troo-pah-pah"

 background lyrics, but these main lyrics are what first grabbed me:

I was sick and tired of everything
When I called you last night from Glasgow
All I do is eat and sleep and sing
Wishing every show was the last show...

[Rhyming "Glasgow" and "last show" in a non-stupid way! Bravo!]

Speaking of France: ABBA "Waterloo" (Eurovision Winning Song 1974)

GO Marine Le Pen!

Only Marxists in America and France try to jail their political opponents.
(Whoops! And Marxists in Russia and China and Indonesia.)
If you claim to be a Democracy, then act like one.