Tuesday, September 01, 2026

Not Waving, But Drowning



I saw this sticker online recently, and it made me laugh.
Reminded me of the 1957 Stevie Smith poem:


Nobody heard him, the dead man,   
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought   
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,   
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always   
(Still the dead one lay moaning)   
I was much too far out all my life   
And not waving but drowning.

Monday, August 31, 2026

Dolly Parton: Light of a Clear Blue Morning (1977)

 

(written by Dolly Parton)

It's been a long dark night
And I've been a waitin' for the morning
It's been a long hard fight
But I see a brand new day a dawning
I've been looking for the sunshine
You know, I ain't seen it in so long
And everything's gonna work out just fine
And everything's gonna be all right
That's been all wrong

'Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning
I can see the light of a brand new day
I can see the light of a clear blue morning
And everything's gonna be all right
It's gonna be okay

It's been a long, long time
Since I've known the taste of freedom
Those clinging vines
That had me bound, well I don't need 'em

I've been like a captured eagle,
You know, an eagle's born to fly
Now that I, I've won my freedom
Like an eagle, I am eager for the sky


'Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning
I can see the light of a brand new day
I can see the light of a clear blue morning
Oh, and everything's gonna be all right
It's gonna be okay...

Dolly Parton on The Midnight Special: We Used To (1975)

 


(written by Dolly Parton)

We used to walk through fields of green
We used to sit by clear blue streams
We used to be so happy
Me and you

We used to do such silly things
We used to make love in the rain
We used to
Yes, we used to

Then you went away
Leaving me with the memories we made
Memories of those sweet yesterdays
Spent with you
Spent with you

And even though you're gone
I still think so often of you
And the things that we no longer do
Like we used to
Oh we used to

We used to be so much in love
We used to kiss and hold and touch
We used to find so many things to do

We used to laugh and plan and dream
We used to own the world it seemed
We used to
Yes we used to

Then you went away
Leaving me with the memories we made
Memories of those sweet yesterdays
Spent with you
Spent with you

Oh and even though you're gone
I still think so often of you
And the things that we no longer do
Like we used to
Oh we used to

Dolly Parton: The Seeker (1975)


(written by Dolly Parton for Jesus)

 I am a seeker, a poor sinful creature
There is no weaker than I am
I am a seeker and you are a teacher
You are a reacher, so reach down
Reach out and lead me, guide me and keep me
In the shelter of your care each day

'Cause I am a seeker and you are a keeper
You are a leader, won't you show me the way?

I am a vessel that's empty and useless
I am a bad seed that fell by the way
I am a loser that wants to be a winner
And you are my last hope, don't turn me away

I am a seeker, a poor sinful creature
There is no weaker than I am
I am a seeker and you are a teacher
You are a reacher, so reach down
Reach out and lead me, guide me and keep me
In the shelter of your care each day

'Cause I am a seeker and you are a keeper
You are a leader, won't you show me the way?

Oh, and you are a mountain
From which there flows a fountain
So let its water wash my sins away
'Cause I am a seeker, and you are a keeper
You are a teacher, won't you teach me the way?
Reach out and lead me, guide me and keep me
In the shelter of your care each day

Dolly Parton: The Bargain Store (1975)



(written by Dolly Parton)

My life is like unto a bargain store
And I may have just what you're lookin' for
If you don't mind the fact that all the merchandise is used
But with a little mending it could be as good as new
Why you take for instance this old broken heart
If you will just replace the missing parts
You would be surprised to find how good it really is
Take it and you never will be sorry that you did

The bargain store is open come inside
You can easily afford the price
Love is all you need to purchase all the merchandise
And I will guarantee you'll be completely satisfied

Take these old used memories from the past
And these broken dreams and plans that didn't last
I'll trade them for a future, I can't use them anymore
I've wasted love but I still have some more

The bargain store is open come inside
You can easily afford the price
Love is all you need to purchase all the merchandise
And I can guarantee you'll be completely satisfied

My life is like unto a bargain store
And I may have just what you're lookin' for
If you don't mind the fact that all the merchandise is used
With a little mendin' it could be as good as new

The bargain store is open, come inside
The bargain store is open, come inside

Saturday, August 29, 2026

"Letty Lynton" in Austin (8/28/26)

Just got back from seeing Letty Lynton on the big screen at Austin's State Theatre!

(State sits next-door to the more-famous Paramount---which is currently closed for renovations. Paramount was built in 1915 as a 1000-seat vaudeville house; State, which holds about 350, was built in 1935 specifically as a movie-house. The two theaters merged as one entity in 2000.)

The 350-seat theater was seemingly completely sold out. (I'd sat in the back row, hoping to have a seat on either side of me free, but by the time the show started, people were filling in all the empty seats.)

Big Joan dramatic moments were applauded throughout (as were comedic moments, like the intentionally funny/stunned shipboard look on Letty's face in the newspaper photo with Jerry, shown twice in the film). And the audience especially liked the line "This isn't the early '90s," which a couple of characters said at various points (referring to the "old-fashioned morality" of the 1890s). Another crowd favorite was Louise Closser Hale as Letty's maid/assistant Miranda.

And, while people initially laughed a bit when Letty first opened a bathroom cabinet and dramatically took out a bottle blatantly labeled "POISON," they got very quiet during her final scene with Emil, and during the subsequent interview with the police. I'd seen the movie on a bootleg disc years ago, but if you hadn't seen it before, you weren't quite sure what was going to happen when the police interviewed her at the end (with Jerry and her previously disdainful mother in attendance). Big round of applause at the end. The respect for Joan was palpable.

Letty was on a double-bill with ex-husband Franchot's Phantom Lady from 1944, but by the time Letty was over, I had to escape! Claustrophobia (though I knew the theater would clear out a lot after Letty was over), plus REALLY uncomfortable seats! Oh, and I'd taken a bus downtown since I didn't want to deal with parking. From previous experience on Austin buses 10 years ago, I knew there would be weirdos at 5:30pm and at 9:00pm; didn't want to gamble on who I'd encounter after 10:30pm!

p.s. 
The 5:30pm folks on the way there were mainly mildly agitated, sometimes addressing their verbal grievances toward me and others. The bus-driver knew no English at all: When I asked him which stop to take on the way home, he had no idea what I was asking him.
Among the 9pm folks on the way home: 
A shaved-head white guy wearing a "Recovery" T-shirt who had a pit-bull stuck underneath his bus seat. The dog kept HOWLING. The man wasn't being particularly mean to the dog, but he did keep "adjusting" the dog, trying to make him shut up.
A 40-something Hispanic guy who was blasting his "tunes" for all of us to hear.
Bus rules state: No animals, no music. If you want public transportation to catch on with the general public, then you do need to enforce stuff like: No verbal abuse toward fellow riders, no howling animals, no blasting music.
Oh, and perhaps your drivers should know rudimentary English.





Wednesday, August 26, 2026

Dolly Parton (1977): Here You Come Again / Two Doors Down

 



I grew up listening to Dolly on my dad's AM radio and on "Hee-Haw,"
but the first time I ever discovered her for myself was hearing "Here You Come Again" 
and "Two Doors Down" when I was listening to the radio for myself.

To this day, I still relate to the lyrics of "Two Doors Down," as I did when I was 12. 
At the time, I thought that would be a sad situation (with a happy ending).
When I was in college, being on the outside was the story of my life.
Today, pretty much the same!

Two doors down
They're laughing and drinkin', and having a party
Two doors down
They're not aware that I'm around

Cause here I am
Crying my heart out, feelin' sorry while
They're having a party just two doors down

I think I'll dry these useless tears
And get myself together
I think I'll wonder down the hall
And have a look around
'Cause I can't stay inside
This lonely room and cry forever
I think I really rather join 'em
Two doors down, yeah

Two doors down
They're laughing and drinkin', and having a party
Two doors down
They're not aware that I'm around

'Cause here I am
No longer cryin' an' feelin' sorry
We're having a party just two doors down

I can't believe I'm standin' here
Dry-eyed, all smiles and talkin'
Making conversation with the new love I have found
I ask him if he'd like to be alone and we start walkin'
Down the hall to my place waitin' two doors down, yeah

Two doors down
They're laughing and drinkin', and having a party
Two doors down
We're not aware that they're around

'Cause here I am
Feelin' everything but sorry
We're having our own party two doors down

Dolly Parton: 9 to 5

 


Back in October 2019, I posted the below to the YouTube page for this Dolly song:

"Monday, I found out that a 32-year-old tech guy with no editing experience was offered the same salary as me (20 years' experience in editing and 5 years at the company). This song is an inspiration. Gave my official letter asking for a raise yesterday. We'll see what happens."

Got 2.5 thousand views, and many responses! Which I had not gone back to check on until now, upon Dolly's death. Many people asked me what had happened. Tonight, I was busy responding after 6 years:
"I quit, and then was doing temp work for a few months. In March of 2020, I finally got a new job, which I still have today----at $13K more per year!"

Dolly Parton: Coat of Many Colors (1970)

 



RIP Dolly Parton (1946 - 2026)

 



Monday, August 24, 2026

My Cats



I just ordered/received a small wall-hanging from Amazon: 
"That's it, you're going in the soup."
I had a nook in my hallway that held bowls and stones and dried flowers----
and then some dancing cats figurines! The new hanging fit in perfectly!

-----------------------------------------------

My real-life 5 cats:

Mama: Mama Hennessy, Mama Cat, Mama-Moo, Hennessy Mon Amour.
Mini: Solomon Grundy, My Familiar, Moonshine, Baby Shine, Monkey Shine. Mini-apolis (City of Mini---Mini, o, Mini)
Sasha: "Biggest Kitten and Smartest Kitten," Nasha, Noodles.
Pete: My Boy. "Mr. Pete, fast on his feet." So Handsome. Boy of the House. Man of the House. Peter-Patsy. Patsy-Cat.
Cinco Beasly:  "Curly top and a curly tail." "Grease-monk." "Miss PEEsly." 
(She's not fixed and pees all over the place.)


Kinda Sad

I've been working at home since COVID struck in Spring of 2020. 

I'd quit my previous job in October 2019, was working temp stuff in the meantime, and then got hired at the new job in March 2020. Which, at the time, had a physical location only about 10 mins away from my apartment---so I was excited about the new job being so close to my home. 

As it happened, hardly anyone in the US went back to work for a couple of years. I continued to work for this company, which then got sold a couple of times. But basically the same group of people on the team.

When I first started, the local boss held "meet-ups" every 6 months or so. At a local bar, or even at his house. He left soon after, and the new boss held one meet-up a few years ago, then nothing since then.

People have come and gone. They usually leave without warning. One graphic artist, Ed, even died (I never learned the details; we got a brief e-mail that his wife has died----and then a month or so later, that HE had died).

My current boss is more of a technocrat: She has multiple degrees in Education; she's quite up on the unnecessary AGILE. She's not into "meet-ups."

Today, she requested that we all give our vacation plans thru next May. 

I've been working with her for the past 6 years. Have only interacted with her at the early "meet-ups" organized by the first boss back in 2020. 

When she requested our vacation plans, I mentioned this: That I might be away for a week in September 'cause I was being interviewed for a French TV doc about Joan Crawford! (But: In case the project fell through, I wouldn't be going.)

Now, you would think that any normal person would go: "WHAT?! You're being interviewed for a French TV show! How interesting!"

Nah. She just said: "Make sure that you have not worked over 1912 hours by next May."

WOW. No one that I work remotely with gives a shit about anything that happens in my life. (p.s. What ever happened to Ed?)

Wednesday, August 19, 2026

Joy Division: Transmission (1979)



The more I listen to the rawness of Joy Division, 
the more I despise---yes, actually and actively DESPISE---
the insipidness of the aftermath band, New Order, and the hideously 
vapid vocals/keyboards of Bernard Sumner. 

[Intro]
Radio, live transmission
Radio, live transmission


[Verse 1]
Listen to the silence, let it ring on
Eyes, dark grey lenses, frightened of the sun
We would have a fine time living in the night
Left to blind destruction, waiting for our sight

[Verse 2]
And we would go on as though nothing was wrong
And hide from these days we remained all alone
Staying in the same place, just staying out the tide
Touching from a distance, further all the time

[Chorus]
Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance to the radio
Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance to the radio
Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance to the radio
Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance to the radio


[Verse 3]
Well, I could call out when the going gets tough
The things that we've learnt are no longer enough
No language, just sound, that's all we need know
To synchronise love to the beat of the show
And we could dance!

Monday, August 17, 2026

Joy Division: She's Lost Control (1979)

Is it really that a fictional SHE has "lost control again," or that we're waiting for
Ian Curtis to spaz out again? (Curtis had a calm wife and a calm girlfriend.)
Who's about to lose control? 
Curtis---an epileptic and soon-to-be-suicide---is singing/dancing about himself.



Confusion in her eyes that says it all
She's lost control

And she's clinging to the nearest passerby
She's lost control

And she gave away the secrets of her past
And said, "I've lost control again"

And of a voice that told her when and where to act
She said, "I've lost control again"


And she turned around and took me by the hand
And said, "I've lost control again"

And how I'll never know just why, or understand
She said, "I've lost control again"
And she screamed out, kicking on her side, and said
"I've lost control again"
And seized upon the floor, I thought she'd die
She said, "I've lost control"

[Chorus]
She's lost control again
She's lost control
She's lost control again
She's lost control


Not Dying of Breast Cancer in the Next 6 Months

 

After an unclear diagnosis months ago, I went back for a follow-up mammogram plus some ultrasounds today: 
Right breast has a non-cancerous cyst. If it doesn't bother me, it doesn't bother the doctors. (And I've never even felt it before, so it doesn't bother me.)
Left breast has a centimeter-wide spot that looks primarily benign. I'm to come back in 6 months to see if it has grown any. But in the meantime, I won't die of it. 
Me to my technician who'd taken the scans: "I won't die in the next 6 months?" Her: "We can tell you that you won't die OF BREAST CANCER in the next 6 months!" (We laughed---I could, after all, be hit by a bus on my way home.)

Hooray! I was already trying to figure out what to do with my cats.

"24 Hour Party People" + "Control"

This is a place-holder for what I want to say about these two movies, which I just watched in one night from the Criterion Channel.

To begin: The "24 Hour" movie showed Joy Division's Ian Curtis hanging himself to the sound/video of some squawking chickens on his TV. The film made a big joke of it. The whole movie made a joke of everything, all deaths, all losses. As I trudged my way through the film, I thought, "This can't actually be what the scene was like?" NO SCENE could have ever been this grim, sans some utter exuberance and joy.

Saturday, August 15, 2026

Tammy Wynette: Apartment #9 (1966)


Story goes that George Jones first heard this song on the radio while driving around,
and then vowed to meet the singer...
Given the 15 years of extreme personal grief that followed, 
did he wish he HAD or HAD NOT ever met the singer?



Sylvia and Ted, 1958.

This is one of the best photos I've ever seen of the two of them.
(Other than the one while visiting his parents as newlyweds, 
when they were madly in love and literally glowing.)


 

Karma can sometimes be gentle.

I'm aware that I'm often abrupt and judgmental. 

"Judgmental," in my case, meaning more about doing obvious every-day things right rather than moral judgments---although I do very much think that trans-folks should focus on their personal mental health rather than trying to join the military and/or play women's sports. You've got bigger things to worry about. 
Similarly, as a bi/gay person, I don't think that gay people should be allowed to adopt kids. Why? Because procreation is a natural process, best left to those who do it naturally. Why would any gay person be interested in adopting kids, aside from societal reasons---trying to "prove they're normal"? There's no reason at all for gay people to be adopting kids, aside from posing. Just live your life. Leave having kids to those who can actually have them naturally.

----------------------

Above social soapbox aside, and my main point about my own behavior:

I go to the post-office 2 or 3 times a week 'cause I sell a lot of stuff online. 

Earlier this week, there was a "drama" at the PO---a homeless woman had ventured inside and was moaning piteously. A clerk called 911. OK, so EMS has been called and is on the way... But the two clerks on duty then took turns leaving their stations and running outside to see if the EMS was coming...

In the meantime: Only one clerk at the counter, and a long line of 10 or more people.

In this line, a couple of ladies who can't decide which stamps to buy... Seriously: There's a long line, and both of them are dawdling over which "Forever Stamps" they might want.

At this point, after waiting over 20 minutes, my impatience/obnoxiousness kicked in: I finally called out loudly: "Sir! While she's making her choice, can you take another customer?"

The counter-dude (whom I know from my weekly visits) said, "Patience, please!" Which was fair. The lady at the counter: "I've made my choice, thank you!" And then "Patience is a virtue" and then "Have a nice day" and then "You need to learn some manners" and "Bye-bye" as she walked on out the door. To which I juvenilely responded: "Toodle-oo!" and "Arrivederci!" as she walked out. 

SIGH.

Although I thought I had a point (when there's a long line behind you, try to move a bit faster): I felt creepy for days afterwards.

Today, though, I think I got a reprieve from Karma RE "patience"! 

Same post office: Long line; I didn't say a thing.
Returning stuff to UPS store: The clerk didn't correctly scan one of my items, so I had to go back to the store and wait in long line; I said "no problem" as the problem was fixed.
At my local gas station buying beer/cigs: Salesman in the shop offering allegedly free cig coupons if I did a survey and gave my e-mail. I asked specifically if I would get a free pack; he said Yes. After doing the survey, it was for a bunch of brands that I didn't smoke. But OK. I'll try "American Spirit," for instance. But, no, it wasn't for a "free" pack, just dollars off a purchase of two. 

I think the above today made up for my impatience earlier in the week! I was totally nice the whole time! :)  

Thanks, Karma! :)