Oh my god. I really, really fucked up.

Monetarily poor as I was in Weehawken, New Jersey, the below is what I saw when I looked around. It's EXACTLY my landscape, internal mirroring external. I was HAPPY being, and looking, here. It wasn't even New York City, just across the Hudson, but I was happy every time I looked out my window, stepped outside of my door, made a 5-minute walk to the grocery store, hopped a gypsy bus for the 15-minute ride into the City.

I think I just made the worst mistake of my life coming back to Austin.

I want my Weehawken apartment back. I want my elm trees back. I want my fall leaves back. I want my snow back. I want my beautiful, beautiful towns -- Weehawken and New York City -- back. I never fully understood the power of either nature's or architecture's physical and psychological presence until I lived amid such beauty.

What in the godforsaken fuck did I just do?

And how to get back there?