After not having had sex for so long (years!) and being so isolated from everyone, and liking to think and read, was it meant that I should be a nun or monk of some sort? I'm serious: What I've been going through for years now isn't just a "drought" (when I think of "drought" I think of a period of a year or under).
I don't think I'd make a very good nun/monk, though. I constantly have intellectually rebellious thoughts that I have no desire whatsoever to quench. And upon recently reading the letters of Tsar Nicholas and Alexandra and the memoirs of Alix's closest friend, Anya: Alexandra's constant references to praying to god for guidance/salvation are both stultifying and annoying --- they certainly didn't do any good in her situation!
I don't know what it is. I'm puzzled. Many people, when confronted by a deeply troubling emotional situation, do turn to God. But they're often lifers in prison or very old women --- with nothing else left to hope for. I still have a decade or so left before I'm at that utterly decrepit stage, still some free will left.
No comments:
Post a Comment