Old and Bitter Is My Fate?!

When I lived in NYC and was struggling for work in 2007 thru 2010, I was in my early 40s. I realize now that "early 40s" was a bit too late to try to make it in NYC, sans any connections. I didn't quite have the energy to make a HUGE effort. I applied to jobs and went to temp agencies. But I think now that I gave it only about 75% percent. I was too old to take ANY crappy job or to live in ANY crappy place. In short, at 40-plus, I was not willing to do ANYTHING to make it in my new environment. (At 40-plus, I had a definite sense of my work background and wanted something on that level; same with my living quarters. Though, once I was forced to return to Austin in 2010, I soon got a comeuppance when all I could then afford was a 400-sq-ft apartment for the next 4 years! Had I accepted this in NYC, perhaps I could have extended my stay there...)

Recently, I have been very lethargic and not wanting to strive for anything, and not particularly liking anything. Reminded me of a 50-something female co-worker I met in NYC, while working at Morgan-Stanley. She and I, along with two other guys, worked the night shift together. During down-times, I'd chat with the guys, learn about their lives. (One guy led mountain-climbing tourist groups in South America!) The woman never talked to any of us. At one point, to make conversation, I asked her if she was from New York... Her response, as she turned away from me: "It doesn't matter." I remember thinking how utterly sad this was... She couldn't/didn't want to converse about even the simplest, most basic of things with fellow humans...

Now that I'm in my 50s and feeling lethargic---what if that happens to me?! What if, from now on, I just don't feel like learning about anything or anybody? I've already noticed that I'm not as interested in food or music: I hardly eat at all any more, except when I know it's necessary. And once I finished adding items to my Joan Crawford website, I used to crank up music when I uploaded them, in celebration of hours of work---now, though, I don't; I just keep the TV on at its same low level while I upload.

I guess it's partially age---you're just not that excited about things any more. But I still hope I never reach the point where someone asks me where I came from and I respond, "It doesn't matter."