Merry Christmas to me!

After initially feeling woebegone about not being around my family this Christmas, a week or so ago I decided to use my own income to buy myself some stuff for my own Christmas: A 43-inch TV, a Blu-ray player, and a Roku stick.

Family can be depressing, but buying yourself things is not. For example: Just a couple of years ago, my brother and I were at my mom's house during Thanksgiving and she asked both of us what we wanted for Christmas. I mentioned an electric toothbrush, but worried aloud to her that it might be too expensive.

As the day wore on, I later accidentally came upon my mother and my brother in her study, discussing the bookshelves she was going to buy him for Christmas... ($30 toothbrush versus $800 shelves--and to think that I was initially worried about the cost of the toothbrush, which my mother did not assuage while she was planning for my brother's fancy bookshelves!)

This shitty scene also flashed me back to one of the last times I talked to my father, over 10 years ago, during which he mentioned pride in his niece Jeanie for having married a lawyer. (No concern for his daughter with a Master's degree at that time living in a 400-sq-ft apartment, no pride in his daughter's previous achievements, no desire to help her out of her current rut...just pride in someone who'd married well.)

I remain constantly shocked by such blatant disregard for me as a person. This year, though, I move on in a small way: I can buy whatever I need myself. I don't have to ask anyone for a toothbrush or for anything. This year I've given myself a 43-inch TV and a new Blu-ray player and a Roku stick. Merry Christmas to me!