...for revealing your blog again, and for sharing Springsteen's New Yorker interview.
There's definitely a pattern:
From the "Therapy Tapes of Anne Sexton" that I've been reading (which extensively quotes psychiatric theory post-Sexton and her relations with her therapist in the '60s):
"Trauma survivors live not with memories of the past, but with an event that could and did not proceed through to its completion, and therefore continues into the present." (Laub and Auerhahn, 1993)
"Adults who have been sexually abused as children are only too willing to believe that the nightmarish memories that begin to flood their waking thoughts are not real. It is a most heartfelt wish to be convinced that what they begin to perceive as a traumatically overwhelming past is merely a fantasy of their own creation." (Davies and Frawley, 1992)
"In the patient who has been sexually abused, the child aspect of the self representation, along with that of the abusing other and their complex system of emotional connection and exchange, is cordoned off and isolated from the rest of the personality. It remains virtually frozen in time, the images unmodulated by any others of a different, perhaps gentler nature. These images become the embodiment of the murderous rage and pernicious self-loathing that drive the child in his or her relationship with others....The child cannot grow. Her anger and self-hatred go untempered, therefore unintegrated. Her world is a world of betrayal, terror, and continued emotional flooding.... Her mind is a constant state of upheaval and confusion. When, as a child, she turned to those around her for a way out, she was confronted with either threats and further abuse or with neglect and formidable denial... She experiences herself as terrified, completely alone, and helpless." (Davies & Frawley, 1992)
I am so mad at so many people in your early life, including those passively practicing "neglect and formidable denial." Trust this simple Leo on one thing: You are not alone.